Hyphenating Your Last Name After Marriage: Pros and Cons
Do you plan to hyphenate your last name after marriage? There's a vast array of name change factors that could impact your decision, beyond "does it sound good?"
This article will outline the pros and cons of hyphenating your last name, making the best choice for you and your spouse, and updating legal documents and identification cards.
The calm before the name change storm
Congratulations on tying the knot. You're in for… okay, we can't lie. While marriage is great, the wedding planning journey can overload your stress markers.
Of course, you must step back, take time to apply for your marriage license, and then determine whether it's even worth changing your last name after marriage.
Welcome to this brief hyphenated surname guide that will explain:
- What is hyphenation?
- Is it a good idea?
- Is it disrespectful?
- Will it impact your kids?
- How to legally hyphenate your name?
When the bourgeois reigned supreme
Onetime, it was normal to expect a wife to take her husband's last name; abandoning her original name altogether.
Polite society saw the act of keeping her maiden name taboo. Eyebrows raised straight off their faces. Shocked to discover the bride dared consider such a radical act.
But times and culture have evolved. Today, more women are deciding to keep their original names, in one form or another, and it's met with far less hostility.
Nostalgia, family, and keeping the peace
There are many reasons to keep your last name in play. (Your family legacy, for one.) Here's hoping you have a supportive partner who understands why this approach appeals to you.
Still, the personal choice to retain your birth name may cause concern. Even if your spouse is okay with it, your in-laws might give you grief about your pick. (Your own family too.)
The naysayers—silent, gossipy, and vocal—may declare, "How dare you commit the selfish act of retaining your original identity after marriage?" What about the next generation?
But is there a win-win pathway? Yes, of course…
Ready, set, compromise
There are several decent ways to compromise on the whole "you wanting to keep your name and your spouse hating the idea" problem.
1. Create a different name
Many couples decide to invent a new last name to share, creating a unique identity together. By doing so, they tackle the legalities of the name change process together.
Do you prefer to fabricate a brand new family name without precedent? Then you may have to file a court petition for a court ordered name change.
2. Hyphenate: the happy medium
The most popular compromise is to hyphenate your last name and your spouse's last name. This allows you to keep using your own surname while adopting your spouse's surname.
What is a hyphenated name?
A hyphenated name is when you join two last names with a hyphen (-). It's also known as a double surname. For example, Ms. Hall marries Mr. Miller to become Mrs. Hall-Miller.
Two last names vs. a hyphen
You shouldn't conflate hyphenating with a double-barreled surname, which has no hyphen and is more associated with using a space to separate surnames.
A hyphenated name is considered one last name, not two separate, independent names to be switched back and forth on a whim.
For instance, when alphabetizing a hyphenated name, the first part comes first. For a space-separated, double-barreled name, the last part would come first.
The hyphen makes it obvious for most people that you have two names, avoiding the confusing error of mistaking part of your last name for another segment.
Is hyphenation even legal?
Name change through hyphenation is legal. It's valid as taking your partner's last name as-is. It's no more or less lawful than any other name change through marriage.
Federal and state agencies will accept your new hyphenated name after marriage, from the social security office and passport agencies to motor vehicle departments.
Which last name goes first when hyphenating?
Either you or your spouse's surname can come first or last when you hyphenate last names. And you should always capitalize both names in a hyphenated last name.
There's no hyphenation law or rule. But whoever opts to hyphenate their name will more often than not spell their last name first. Still, you don't have to follow this custom.
For example, if Adrian Brown marries Drew Davis, the hyphenated last name could be Brown-Davis or Davis-Brown. It's up to you whose name comes first or last.
If your partner is hyphenating too, they can sync their last name sequence to equal yours, or reverse it. It's unorthodox, yet okay to have different last names.
Pros! Why is hyphenation a good thing?
Compromise is the biggest reason so many people choose to hyphenate their names. You keep your identity while you honor your commitment to your new spouse.
1. Guarding achievements
Hyphenating your name is a great way to stay connected with what you've accomplished in life before getting married. (There goes the win-win we alluded to earlier.)
For example, many people choose to hyphenate their names because they've earned higher educational degrees and certifications under their maiden names.
They want their identities associated with work they've published or publicized. Losing or obscuring years of recognition for a change of name is an avoidable sacrifice.
The same logic applies to men who take their wives' names and same-sex couples. Sustaining your individuality and title is an understandable pursuit.
2. Bucking tradition
You can take your spouse's surname as-is, or you could hyphenate it. There's no compelling reason to avoid two names, other than convention.
While name change traditions may be hard to break, they're not:
- Rooted in good sense
- Based on any legal rationale, or
- Beyond what people have just done by default
3. Linking your personal and professional identity
A giant reason to consider hyphenation is to preserve your profile in your community—the persona you've spent your whole life building.
Hyphenation can help bridge the gap between your personal and professional life. Providing an off-ramp if you're wary of giving up your accomplishments and name.
Further, hyphenating makes it easier for friends, family, and colleagues to transition to your newfound name since they'll have something familiar to latch onto.
Whether you're a doctor, lawyer, nurse, or other professional, name recognition among your peers and community is important, and a hyphenated last name helps sustain awareness.
Cons! Why might hyphenation be a bad thing?
"I wish someone had told me these problems could've happened after hyphenating," is a huge pain worth avoiding by considering the following potential shortcomings.
1. Outdated, legacy software and computer systems
Hyphenated names are harder for computers to handle. Deficient software may not recognize the hyphen as an accepted special character when you input personal information.
Apps and databases may choke—by intentional or flawed design—on non-alphabetic characters. If flexible, their character sets will allow apostrophes, hyphens, and accents.
This means you'd have to drop the hyphen or replace it with a space. Such name inconsistency can cause trouble later.
Caution: Agencies may drop your hyphen without warning; even merging your two last names into one whole word instead of using a space separator.
2. Lanky, tongue-twister combination
Hyphenated last names are longer. (No kidding!) They get unwieldy if you and your spouse's surnames are already long. It could be a handful to write and a mouthful to pronounce.
You might run out of space filling out online forms that set max lengths. And paper forms too. Chiefly form fields with restrictive, compartmentalized boxes.
3. Complainers, misogynists, and zealots
If outside opinions matter to you, know that large swaths of today's society consider hyphenated names annoying or snobby.
Traditionalists believe that not accepting your spouse's last name alone (especially husband and wife) is an enormous sign of contempt and a lack of commitment.
Suddenly, self-appointed linguists and spelling bee experts are eager to debate how to address you by your new last name, as if inconveniencing them were your life's mission.
4. Angry, old-school spouse
Your spouse might consider hyphenation disrespectful. Orthodox or conservative views may believe it's "right" for a woman to take her husband's name; even if she feels otherwise.
Whether your spouse insists on your legally adopting their current last name throws a red flag or not, it's still something you should take into consideration.
5. Negative effect on children
Here's a common worry among parents:
- I'm hyphenated.
- My children are unhyphenated.
- Will they get confused, frustrated, or embarrassed?
Kids with hyphenated names might become flummoxed or self-conscious when they're older and start making friends whose names aren't hyphenated.
And what happens if your son or daughter grows up and marries someone with a hyphen in their name? Will they face the prospect of hyphens atop hyphens?
How do you hyphenate a married name?
Deciding to hyphenate your name is one thing. Applying it to your new social security card, driver's license, and official paperwork is another. Learning "how to" is your next step…
- Apply for your marriage license.
- Get married.
- Get your marriage certificate.
- Notify the Social Security Administration, DMV, etc.
When applying to marry, the marriage license application may ask for your new name after marriage. Fill it in so it'll show up on your marriage certificate.
If the marriage form didn't have a spot for a new name, your marriage certificate is still usable. If you're unsure, a missing married name on your certificate could jam you.
When you get a certified copy of your marriage certificate, start by changing the name on your social security card. Then update your driver's license (or REAL ID) and passport.
And don't forget to update your:
- Doctor's office
- School
- Diplomas
- Professional licenses
- Customers and clients
- Memberships
- Employers
- Utilities
- Social media profiles
- Voter registration
- Bank accounts
- Credit cards
- Among other records
If you're hyphenating and moving, submit a USPS change of address in both your pre-marriage name and hyphenated name to avoid lost mail.
Alternatives to hyphenation
Are you decided on name change, but not 100% on hyphenation? Here are a few alternative name change options to consider.
1. No name change
If you're not sure that hyphenation—or any other name shift—fits your profile, name change may not be right for you. You can keep your maiden name as your legal name.
There's no right or wrong answer, whatever you decide. It's better to wait and be correct, then rush and panic to undo your legal name change.
2. Take your spouse's name
You can go the traditional route and simply replace your last name with your spouse's last name, which is the default choice for most women.
Taking your mate's surname alone remains the reigning name change champ. It's a good, sober choice, in no danger of being dethroned.
3. Maiden name to middle name
Replacing your middle name with your maiden name is a popular choice and a great substitute for hyphenating your name; the end results are very similar.
It keeps your last name active while evading many of the pitfalls of hyphenation. But you'd have to ditch your current middle name, which could be tough to surrender.
4. Continue using your maiden name socially
There's nothing stopping you from changing your name while still using your maiden name on an informal or professional basis. You could even DBA your current name.
It's not the name you'd use to sign legal documents, tax filings, or job applications; those demand your true legal name. But amongst family, pals, and coworkers, where's the harm?
In conclusion (or what it all boils down to!)
There are private and professional reasons to weigh when hyphenating your last name. The question is whether you're willing to compromise beyond your original last name.
Hyphenation epitomizes compromise, where both sides prevail in the tug of war over whose last name will carry on for future generations.
Lucky for you, we can help streamline your name change after marriage. Our online name change kit, from forms to step-by-step guidance, make the process a breeze.
Wishing you a seamless name change journey ahead!
So I just went to DMV for my permit but my social security card name didn't match because they put my last name as my middle but my last name is two different names . The lady at the DMV asked me if I wanted to hyphenated or put together and wasn't thinkig that time I said hyphenated but I thought she was suppose to follow the way my birth certificate goes and it doesn't have a hyphenation. Would it be a problem now when I go change the name on my social security? Or can they just simply edit it on their computer without the hyphenation?
You can return to the DMV with your corrected social security card and birth certificate and have them issue you a new permit. Explain that the name on your existing permit has a typo and request a correction be made.
okay, I just got married and I am very confused. I am a legal permanent resident of the USA. I had just applied to become a US citizen, had my biometric appt last 09/22 for finger prints. but now I am waiting for the actual appt. to get interview by USCIS. immigration. and all of my papers are under my father lastname and mother last name. Erika middlename. gut-san my husbands last name is Rod and I was thinking of not using my middle name and do Erika Rod-Gut any ideas????
You can change your name during the naturalization process. What you should change it to is a personal preference. When you say you're considering not using your middle name, are you saying you want to eliminate it?
Hi there,
I was married once, divorced and I've kept my ex husbands last name because we had a child together and I wanted to keep that connection for her. Now I'm preparing to marry again for the 2nd time. I wanted to keep my first married name because of the connection to my daughter. Also her father passed away recently and she doesn't have any siblings so I felt it would be easier on her.
So what I'm thinking about doing is keeping my ex husbands last name out of respect to my daughter and then adopting my new husbands name as well. So I'd be hyphenating the ex husband's and the new husband's name. Have you ever heard of anyone else doing this? I don't want to go back to my maiden name, so that's out of the equation all together. Should I put my new husband's name first and ex's last? I actually like the way it sounds with new husband's first and ex's second. Y
Your thoughts?
Yes, you're proposing a typical hyphenated name change. Nothing out of the ordinary. The fact that it's your ex-husband's last name instead of your maiden name doesn't make a difference.
Typically, new husband's name goes last, but you can choose differently if you'd prefer.
I had ex last name until I remarried .then I needed to have my exs on again for legal stuff .after second husband passed on. Now I am remarrying my first husband. Should I switch the names around so his is last. Does it matter. Sometimes I just sign second husband name and sometimes like the airport they want the whole ne now. Some call me by exs name that is first. How does it go really.
How common is it to keep your maiden name legally but use your husband's last name for everyday use? or work use, etc? Is that weird? Jane Doe is your legal name on your drivers license and passport, and legal documents, but everyone knows you by Jane Smith. That's what you sign your future kids school forms, or christmas cards, or have a work email with your name and your married last name…
Well, it's not a common practice, but as as long as you're making sure to sign your legal name to legal documents, then you can informally continue using your name as you choose.
Hello…I got married abou 2 years ago anr i hyphenatd my last name. Now i am totally regretting it becuase i now have 2 hyphens in my name. I want to remove the hyphen but it will cost me about $435 jus to remove it. My question is if i decide to keep my last name as hyphenated do i have to always use both names ot can i just use my husbanda last name? I kno i have to have both on my ss and dl and passport but im asking if i have to use it for the bank or credit cards and other things like that. Thank u.
It depends on your bank or credit card. For your bank, you can request that they allow your checks to be deposited/processed in your preferred name. For your credit card, if you don't use your legal name there can be a mismatch with the name on your credit report. That can be a problem.
Credit card reports go by your ssi number
I just got remarried last week and am debating how to change my name. I kept my ex-husband's last name after my divorce because I have two young children and I wanted to have the same name as them. Now that I am remarried, I'd like to keep my current last name in the mix so I am still associated with my children and not just my step-children. My current name is (first name) (given middle name) (ex-husband last name). I was thinking I would drop my given middle name and replace it with my maiden name and maybe hyphenate my current last name and new last name. I'd only use the hyphenated name for legal reasons and for things at the school (paperwork, etc) for the kids. So, I'd be Vikki (maiden name for middle name) (current last name – new last name). My husband is fine with that because he knows it's important for me to be associated with my children. Is there other name combination options?
Vikki, you're opting for a fairly common combo. Other options are two middle names or two last name (space, not hyphen). That option isn't as common though. If you opt for either of those rare sequences be sure to check your state's statutes about which combination is allowed.
I just changed my name to my married name (two days ago), but only added my middle initial of my maiden name. I really want to add my complete maiden name. Can I still change it? Will there be a charge? In state of texas
Sarah, if you've already changed your name with the SSA, then changing it again may not be possible without having to petition the court. If you haven't actually changed your name all the way, and you're just referencing the name on your marriage certificate, then that's less of an issue.
I think I have read these correctly, if you do hyphenate (maiden-married), you DO have to change all your legal documents starting with your SS card (I'm in Florida). Thanks!
That's correct.
I was married in the state of NY this month. I decided after much consideration and debate to change my last name to my husband's name. I have not gone to Social Security or DMV to make any of the changes on my documents but I am already having separation anxiety over "losing" my last name. My marriage license has already been filed and stamped but I was wondering if it was too late to hyphenate and add my maiden name back? And would that be a charge if I decided to do so? I wanted to do the two middle names thing but it isn't allowed in the state of New York. Any advice?
It's not too late Judy. You can still hyphenate.
Here is another comment from a man's point of view. Personally, I think hyphenating is pretty cool, especially if the name flows. I recently got re-married and my wife has chosen to hyphenate her maiden/married name. She was married before and has two kids by her previous marriage. She reverted back to her maiden name after her divorce. The kids biological father chose to stop being in his kids life and the kids wanted to drop their legal last name and to change it to their moms middle name. When Amanda and I were discussing the name change, she mentioned that if she decided to hyphenate, part of the reason would be for the kids, because the last name is important and has some significance where we live. When it came time, Amanda Barton legally became Amanda Barton-Smith. It is on all her business cards, her nameplate on her desk, her name badge, and on her SS and DL. I personally think its cool and the name definitely flows. I have no problem with her hyphenating her name. Just my two cents on this. Thanks for letting me give my opinion.
Unless you make 250K, then you can hyphenate it.. Some women go above and beyond to make it clear that they have two last names.. And to be honest, it really really sounds like an upper class snob.. Remember women, you can't buy wine with beer money.
So….if the children of the marriage also have hyphenated names (and I assume they would), and then marry spouses with hyphenated names…..then what?? Utter chaos!! It's a genealogists nightmare. This is just the latest ridiculous notion in today's modern thinking about marriage. Some women won't be happy until the man is beaten to the ground of humiliation and completely emasculated.
Hyphenation isn't a vastly common choice. Maiden to middle appears to be gaining more traction over time. In the cases where folks do choose to hyphenate, how they do it can vary. Some folks tend to have their children's name hyphenated, while others prefer to have one spouse's surname serve as the child's last name.
As for the double-hyphenated (or even triple-hyphenated) last name, I imagine that's a tough one to manage for the couple themselves. That's a lot of dashes to maneuver. Those cases are rare, but folks often choose to get around that by choosing a new last name.
One common theme in this thread is that there's no one choice that's right for everybody. What works for one, is no good for another. When someone has to undergo a name change, they'll have to factor in the pros and cons and decide if hyphenation, or any name change alternative, make sense.
Really? Emasculated by a name change? That takes some doing.
I am (somewhat) with you Doug. My wife kept her surname and I kept mine when we were married (no problem there). We are now trying to decide on the kids names and I raise this point with my wife when she suggests hyphenating. I would rather use her name for the kids than go the double barrel. Think of the possible result in only 3 generations if this pattern of hyphenation continues… John and Jane Abbbot-Monk-Friar-Nun-Priest-Pastor-Father-Mother-Sister-Brother-Vicar-Cardinal-Bishop-Dean-Pope-Padre. Please stop the hyphenation before it is too late!
Doug,
From the standpoint of actually studying one's geneology- this is completely untrue. Many times, we lose the female line because the maiden name is lost in history, or because the new first, maiden, married name – or first, middle, married name combonations are far too common to narrow down when tracing. Keeping a part of the previous generation at least one generation out can greatly reduce the possibilities when searching for an ancestor. It is simple mathematics- how many variables can we assign a value?
Then we have the middle ages and prehistoric ages, where generally in important meetings or situation you called back four or so generations as a means of identification- William of Berkshire- son of…, son of…, son of…. I don't think they ever thought those "son of's" were utter chaos.
Most last names come from the families trades, class, locations, clans, or parents names- originally. Often they changed each generation (Erik the Redd, Leif Erikson- for example). There is nothing innately empowering or entitling in the man's name. However, you do bring up an interesting point. If a man "should" feel humiliated by giving up his original name, then why wouldn't a woman?
Many adults now marry at an older age, when their careers and public reputations are firmly established. A name change can be detrimental to a professional in business, sales, contacts, revenue,etc. It fiscally makes sense to want to keep a tie to the name which has "brand recognition." Remember New Coke and how a small change effected those sales? Now name a large well-known brand that have haphazardly changed names and kept their market share (remember, you cannot include any that combined names).
Name changes historically happened because of property transferrance, as marriage contracts were often part of the consideration while dealing with alliances, land sales, treaties, or other contracted agreements. In many cultures the woman was considered part of the chattle, thus they were now owned or belonged to the new clan. That is why you historically "lost a daughter" and only in recent years was there consideration for "gaining a son."
If we were to apply this type of logic to today's marriage situation- then I would imagine the person bringing the most to the marriage would be "entitled" to keep his or her name and the other would be required to lose their original family name. Now, losing your name because your spouse makes more/is more important- THAT is what I would call humiliating.
I have no issue with any of the choices we now have, and hopefully you and your partner agree- However, in consideration of history, geneology, business, and marketing- I do hope you will be a little more open-minded the next time this subject comes up for you.
I just got married. i haven't changed my SS or DL, we dont have the money now but i have doctors appointments and ask to put down all my information do i have to now start usig my hyphenated name? or do i still use my maiden name?
It would make sense to continue using your maiden name until you formally changed it.
My question is, if I did not hyphenate my last name and took his when we got married, but now want to hyphenate, can I just make the change myself when I update my documents or do I have to legally change it.
Are you saying you had already undergone a formal name change by taking your husband's last name and now want to undergo a second name change? If so, since you had already went through a name change, you're looking at the court petition route. If you've never actually changed your name in the first place (by just using your husband's informally) then you can go through the regular marriage name change process.
If I'm misinterpreting your situation, please clarify.
When I married I chose to hyphenate my last name for many reasons. First, I am the last in my line, so I hated the idea of just throwing away my maiden name (we are not going to have kids, so the last name will die with me, but I didn't want to let go of it any earlier than necessary). Second, I share a middle name with my sister and I couldn't image giving that up to use my maiden name as a middle name. Third, I have advanced degrees and lots of research in my maiden name and wanted to maintain a connection to that as my career progresses post-marriage. And last, my husband hated the idea of me not taking his name at all (even though he is one of three boys so there's no worry of his last name not being passed to the next generation) and this was an acceptable compromise. There was no malice intended toward my husband or my in-laws and there was NEVER a thought in my mind about not wanting to make a full commitment to my marriage and using the hyphen as an "out" down the road. And, although it was a MAJOR hassle to hyphenate (far more difficult than just taking his last name because it had to go through the court because I was, in essence, creating an entirely new last name), I do not regret the decision. I love the link with my husband and I also love that I still feel like me.
For anyone considering hyphenating, however, I would caution that society can be cruel at the worst and inconsiderate at the best about hyphenated last names. At least once a week people tell me, flat-out, that my name is too long and confusing and that I should shorten it. I have had previous employers completely disregard my hyphen and create all work-related names (badges, email addresses, business cards, etc) with me husband's last name only. At another job I had to choose between my last names because both wouldn't fit as my business email address. Most people are too lazy to write it all out so they either use one or the other or just abbreviate it (these same people would go crazy if I even thought of abbreviating their names). Almost all relatives from both families refuse to ever use my hyphenated name. Even the pastor who married us threatened not to go forward with the service because I wasn't taking my husband's name outright. So, don't take the decision to hyphenate lightly because you will constantly be fighting society over it.
That said, my main reason for leaving a comment is to ask a professional question. On my resume and CV, should I use my married, hyphenated name, and also put my maiden name? For years after getting married I only put my hyphenated name, since my maiden name is IN that name. I thought that it would be obvious that Jane Doe was the same as Jane Doe-Thomas. But, since my degrees are in my maiden name and most of my research and publications are in my maiden name, I wonder if employers/colleagues/etc have a hard time connecting the dots. I am especially concerned because of some upcoming applications in which I have to submit my transcripts (in the maiden name) and application (under the hyphenated name) and I want to make sure there is no question that those transcripts are mine. I've found rules for this kind of thing when taking your husband's name outright: Jane (Doe) Thomas or Jane Thomas (formerly Jane Doe). But, I have not been able to find any concrete rules about this when dealing with a hyphenated name. Again, I thought it was logical to only use my hyphenated name since it contains my maiden name, but perhaps I am giving people too much credit about figuring it out?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Thanks for sharing your experience. This is an interesting comment, as you're coming from the perspective of someone who's gone through a hyphenated name change and all the ups and downs that entails.
I think it would make a good deal of sense to put both. As you've compiled an academic history throughout the years, you'll want to be certain that your resume and CV reflect what you've accomplished in your maiden name. You'll want to be sure that you've clearly bridged the before and after of your name change.
It's possible those dots aren't being connected. I don't think it's worth the risk of assuming folks will link these things on their own. There's nothing wrong with detailing your name transition/history.
I think you laid out a pretty clear justification for including details about your name, prior to hyphenation, on matters related to your professional life. If there's a downside to doing so, I fail to see what it could be.
There are no concrete rules. What works for one person, is a non-starter for another. What's an easily manageable solution for one, is a titanic struggle to maintain for another. You can take solace in the fact that you're not alone in trying to figure out how to maneuver a name change while maintaining your personal and professional identity.
Following your own line of thinking seems to be the best course of action. Be cautious and include references to both names.
Hello
I'm confused because my fiance and i are getting married In las Vegas but are nyc resident. By default, because he is foreign, he gets both his parents last name hyphenated. It's been such a mess for him. We want to simply take one of the last names and finally drop the other. I have one name nand want one of his last names. No hyphens just clear cut. Will we be able to both just take the one last name when getting married or do we both have to do a separate legal change of name ? I'm so confused and want to get it right the first time. Hopefully only one legal process had to get done. Thank you
New York is one of the more lenient states when it comes to name change options. You both can choose a new last name. When the time comes, just specify the new name on your marriage license.
This has been so helpful! I just have a clarifying question. I want to have my name be Rachel (middle) (maiden) (married). I'd like to still use my last name professionally, but understand the longer name would be my new legal name. So, would that be what appears on my drivers license & then, subsequently, what I'd need to use when I travel?
Hi Rachel. Your legal, married name is what goes on your driver's license. In your case, it's the long name. It can also go on your passport, if you choose to update your passport. Just make sure your plane tickets match what's on your passport to avoid travel delays.
It's amazing how many people are having the same dilemma that I'm having.
I was Divorced 3 years ago, and changed my married name back to my Maiden name. Little did I know that Mr. right was waiting right around the corner for me. We got married a year later, and I'm trying to avoid too much confusion with another name change.
I've been able to put it off for 2 years now, but my Driver's License is set to expire next month, so it's time to make a move.
I'm tending to lean toward the two Middle Name deal because if I have two last names, it's always a hassle as to what my name or account is listed under. (It's alrealdy a hassle after the last name change.) My Husband's name is O'Steen, so there's already an apostrophe there, which is confusing enough when somebody's trying to look up his name. (Picture finding K-Mart in the phone book.)
My question is this…..I read somebody else's question above saying that there were limitations on whether or not she could have two middle names. (Mary, August 12th, the lady wouldn't allow it.)
Do you know how that works, before I make my decision, get there and find out I can't proceed as planned? I hate having to make that type of decision on the spot.
Thank you so much! I'm in Florida if that makes a difference.
Kim
As of now, Kimberly Renee Bishop O'Steen : )
That's the dilemma I'm trying to avoid….."Is that filed under B of O?
Hi Kimberly. Mary, above, likely had trouble changing her middle name because she's in California. It's one of a few states where a maiden to middle name change is a little more complicated.
I recently got married at 42. My kids have my X's last name. I changed mine back to my maiden-married. I wanted my own identity back. I completely support the hyphenated last name. My question… Do I have my students call me by my maiden name or married name (just to make it easier on those cute little 2nd graders) as my combined names are a mouth full.
Not unless there's a school policy that says so. It's an interesting scenario. One thing to keep in mind, that if the kids know you by one name, then the parents will likely know you by that as well. The name will sort of bubble up.
My partner and I are considering tying the knot, but we're still unsure about the name change. Can we both simply keep our last names? Or is hyphenation a better option – and continuing to use our "current" last names in our professional roles?
Hi Eric. Yes, you can keep your last names. Hyphenation is optional. Whether it's better or not really depends on the person. Some folks prefer hyphenation, some dislike it, while the rest are unsure or indifferent. So, it's not so much a matter of better or worse, but what you're comfortable with and can live with. As for using your current last names in your professional, business roles, many people do that. Just be certain that you use it in the proper context. As a general rule of thumb, the legal name is applied to things such as legal/licensing documents.
I was married for 7 years and after the divorce I did't changed back to my maiden name not until I decided to get remarried in the state of texas, where is required to have maiden name restored after a divorce in oder to get remarried. Well I did the change only in in the documents need it to get married like license and social security card and didn't bother to change the rest like credit cards,bank accounts or passport because I will be changing it again soon anyways. After going to this change again I'm not so sure if to keep my maiden name some how or use both. I know for sure I want to take his last name not only because of tradition but he knows I took my previous husbands name with no problem and he will definitely feel offended or some type of way if I don't . Now here is my question, I'm a little confuse of how it can work when he already has a hyphenated last name which is his dad's and mom's family name do I have to use both or I get to choose and how about if I decide to keep my maiden name this time and hyphenate with his that is already hyphenated name?
If you decide not to maintain your maiden name, then you can just take your husband's last name as is. If you want to incorporate your maiden name, you'll have to decide how. If you hyphenate it with your husband's already hyphenated name, then you'll have a double hyphenated last name. If you don't like the idea of that, another option is to take your husband's hyphenated name, then use your maiden name as your middle name.
I got married last year and hyphenated my last name. It's been tough because like you mentioned, people at work don't know what to call me. When I first filled out the forms, I wanted my maiden name to become part of my middle name but the lady wouldn't allow it. Now, I want to drop my middle name and use my maiden name as my middle name and my husbands last name for mine. How do I begin this process in California? Do I have to go through the courts? Can I just go through social security? When I do get it changed, will I have to fill out a new marriage certificate? Thanks.
Pretty much. As you already underwent a name change following your marriage, changing it a second time for non-marriage related reasons likely requires a court petition process.
At this point in time, your marriage certificate is immaterial. It's just a historical record of your marriage event.
I recently got married and am going through the name change process. I know for sure that I would like to keep my maiden name in some form, but will also be taking my husband's name. I am going back and forth between using my maiden name as a second middle name, or just having two last names (without the hyphen in between since my maiden name is fairly long). I would probably just go by his last name in everyday use for simplicity (I am a teacher so long names can be tricky on the kiddos). Either way I guess I would be Rachel MiddleName MaidenName Husband's. Any thoughts? Thank you for your help!!
So your criteria is you want to take your husband's name, while keeping your maiden name in some form, but without hyphenating? I think you answered your own question by narrowing down your options so thoroughly.
The one thing I'd caution about doubling the names like you're considering is that it can be confusing for some folks to understand which name belongs to which slot. Also, how will it look on paper? Think filling out forms. I'm not suggesting it's a better or worse option. It just comes with its own quirks.
Another approach is to swap out the middle name with the maiden name, and just go with Rachel [Maiden Name] [Husband's Name].
Thanks Valera! The thing is my middle name was my Grandma's name, so I would really like to keep it. I think the reason I am hesitant to have the hyphen in there is because it is confusing for my students who are pretty young. I was thinking if I have my maiden name as a second middle name though, it wouldn't be as prominent as a second last name (for example, it wouldn't be on ID's at all, etc.).
You could go with that as well. I think you're whittling down your options quite nicely.
A little further below, Sandra mentioned a similar thing about her young students having potential difficulty pronouncing her hyphenated name. If she hyphenated her name she wondered if they could continue to call her by a single last name, for the sake of simplicity. That does make sense, assuming the school doesn't have an issue with it. Perhaps it could apply to your situation as well.
Hi Rachel…I realize you got married awhile ago so this may be a moot point, but I too am a teacher and have a hyphenated name. The students don't/won't get confused by it. Kids are pretty flexible and understanding of whatever you explain. I go by my maiden name because that is what my teacher name was before I was teaching and it is a cute teacher name, "example…Mrs. Doll."
My emails and formal letters have both names but other than that I sign, "Mrs. Doll"-not actual name.
I would not base your decision on what your students may think. Go with what works for you, your husband and your career. By the way, I chose to name my baby after my husband (last name wise) as I want him to be able to carry on his last name and this is only baby. I have three kids from my first marriage and they have the last name of their dad (and that is not my maiden name) so we have 3 different family names in our blended family so we just end up signing our first names on our Christmas Cards.
Best wishes in your new marriage!
MJ
I at age 71 recently remarried, and have taken my husband's name. I own a lake cabin, and need to redo the sign on the road. My new name is Bakke, my old name was Thomas. I would like to use both names on the road sign, since my kids love the place and come there. Should I hyphenate (Bakke – Thomas) or use the slanted slash (Bakke/Thomas). I don't know if there is significance either way. Thanks for your help.
Hi Anita. Well, it would depend on what type of sign it is. If this is an official city street sign, then you'll have to get info from your local public works office about what is or isn't allowed, in terms of formatting.
But, if you're just looking to put up a sign in an informal sense, so you can pretty much do what you want. Since you've already decided that you do want to use both names, you have to choose a format. Or, specifically, what symbol to put in between the names. I don't see any significance either way, be it hyphen, slash, star, or plus. Do whatever makes you happy. If you're really having trouble deciding, you could always have your kids serve as tiebreaker or have a family vote.
Whatever you decide, please come back and share what the final verdict came out to be. Good luck.
Ok this is coming from a Guy's perspective and a Single mans perspective, so go easy on me.
To me the whole hyphenating a last name seems to me as if the girl is expecting things to go wrong and they will eventually get divorced and by hyphenating the name it's easier to get changed later on. To me it shows no commitment at all and that you just want an easy out.
On the flip side, a guy wanting a girl to take his last name makes it seem as if she is his property or something, which back in the traditional days, a bride was deemed his property. So why even bother hyphenating at all? Why not just keep your last name instead of taking his or even hyphenating at all? If you are willing to break tradition by hyphenating, then don't bother, just keep your last name. If a guy or his family has a problem with you not taking his last name, then perhaps him or his family is not the one for you. I would have no problem with the girl of my dreams keeping her last name if that was what she wanted. Why complicate things? But then again, I am a single guy….go figure. Maybe I should do some chest thumping and just drag a girl back to my cave…..LOL!!
Thanks for chiming in Ryan. That's an interesting perspective. And one, I suspect, is mulled over across the spectrum—men and women. Changing a name is a pretty personal decision. You can hyphenate. You can choose to do nothing and leave it as is. There was an article posted a few days ago that discussed a sort of middle ground of changing the maiden to middle name. That option is gaining prevalence among folks who don't like the idea of hyphenation, while wanting to acknowledge one's spouse, while not casting off one's family identity.
Whatever someone chooses, they should be happy with it. Do it because you want to do it and not because you feel obligated to. And if there's uncertainty, perhaps the best decision to make is to not make a decision. Think it over, as long as necessary.
I'm a family researcher (Genealogy). I hyphenate the females name only to insure other researchers getting HER maiden name. Due to the fact a female's maiden name was never noted after marriage. She was always Mrs… causing the loss of her heritage. No maiden names in early Court records, land records, some death records, obituaries, news articles and such. There are thousands of women in family research still remain lost in these records. Therefore making finding her a very lengthy difficult task. I have often thought I might be making a mistake to hyphenate the names in this manner within my research but then again I have a totally different reason for doing it. I would like input from other researchers keeping this theme in mind.
Hi Ryan, thanks for sharing your view. Personally for me it becomes an issue now that I'm pregnant. I originally don't want to change my last name, but I definitely want to have the same last name as my kids. with all the work of carrying them around for nine months and birthing them and then being their main source of food etc would kind of make me feel ripped off without any sort of name-link. But then I'm pretty sure my husband would want them to have his last name too.
Hi Thea,
I'm getting married soon, I already have 2 last names, my father's first then my mom's. Since I am not close to my father I have decided to drop his last name and add my husband's last name instead followed by my mom's. My husband and I have decided that our children will have that same last name. It is very important to me that my kids also have my last name from my family's side too. Like you I strongly feel like children should have their mother's last name as well, especially after all that work we do to have them! lol Being from Central America, you get your father's and mother's last name which I've always believed was the right way to do it. They are both of your children, not just the father's.
Well that all depends on why she's hanging on…an only child whose dad passed on to glory, and no uncles to carry on the name (to me) is sentimental & trying to keep her dad part of the families heritage. However it did feel good, no great when my fiancé said that he really wants me to just take his last name. Like he's proud and anxious to share with me an intimate piece of himself, for the world to see. He has no problem with me adding my maiden name to my middle name, so everybody's happy! :-)
Ryan, I smiled when reading your post. I am fifteen years into my hyphenated last name, and I want to drop my previous name and only keep my husbands. I advise everyone that will listen to not hyphenate, based on my sole experience. From the moment we filed the marriage certificate and drove away from the courthouse, I felt doomed. For fifteen years now I have had an identity crisis and one I am finally doing something about. I didn't know which name I even was. I use my husbands last name on everything I possibly can. However everything that requires legal name, I have to use the hyphen. I hate it. My situation maybe different than some, I was married once prior and had children in my first marriage. Those children were minors (under age nine) when I remarried, and I kept my first husbands last name for the children's sake, and added it to my new husbands last name. I have been dragging around a hundred pound weight for the last fifteen years. I wasn't looking at it from the point of view that I was keeping a part of my past relationship, heck we had kids together and I didn't want any part of him. I just didn't realize how substantial it would be later. I want nothing to do with my ex-husband and I certainly do not want his name. I just wish I had seen fifteen years ago, what I do now.
Hi, I recently got married and have two young kids. Can I hyphenate my last name with my husbands AND do the same for my children, so we all have the same name? My ex is not consenting to just change the kids' last name to their new dads even tho he (ex) is not at all involved/ only sees the kids once a year for a weekend…
Camelia, in all likelihood you'll need to acquire written, notarized consent from your kids' biological father to change their names.
If I hyp my maiden name and my husbands name, he has to do it too?
No. Both of you do not have to hyphenate together. It's a decision you must make separately.
When I got married 22 yrs ago, I took my husbands name. My fathers passed away, & I now want to add my maiden name with married name (hyphenated).
What is the easiest &cheapest way to do this, as I am disabled.
Thank you for your help
Hi Jodi. Condolences on the passing of your father. As you've already gone through a marriage-related name change and would like to change it again, you're basically looking at a general, adult legal name change. This is a non-marriage name change that a person can go through who wants to change their name for their own personal reasons. For that, you're likely looking at having to petition the court for a name change. You'll have to contact your local courthouse for a rundown of their fees, as it varies.
Hi I have been married for over a year and I took my husbands last name but I really miss my maiden name. Can I still hyphenate it even though I already took his last name?
Yes, of course. There's no limit to how often you can change your name. As long as you're not changing your name for fraudulent reasons, you're good to go.
My husband – we have been married for 3 years – was initially okay with me not changing my name because I am published and had just been selected for a prestigious award months before our marriage.
Since that time I have had a lot of professional changes and because taking his last name is so important – I am seriously considering it as an anniversary present sort of. What I am considering is two middle names – I am a little uncertain on how that will impact day-to-day personal things. Can I still use my maiden name when authoring professional papers? Can I still use my old email address that everyone knows? What are the guidelines for using my maiden name as an AKA?
If it were left to me I wouldn't change my name – first marriage and I am 46 so I have spent a long-time with this name and in adding his name – my maiden name is 10 letters and his name 9 so, it will be too long for most forms but, it is something that is very important to my husband – much more so than he ever let on when we were engaged and first married so, I am willing to go through the process if it takes some stress off. He is overseas an awful lot – 80% year for the next 3-4 years and I think will give him some peace of mind while he is overseas. Any suggestions or advice is welcomed.
Hi Kim. Yes, you can continue using your maiden name in professional contexts. Many people do this. Although you do have to use your "legal name" on legal/licensing documents.
You can take a look at the maiden name article on this site that goes into extended detail about continuing to use your maiden name after a name change. It covers a lot of the ins and outs of what you're considering.
I was married for almost 20 years and have been divorced for about 5. I have had his last name for almost all of my professional career, so changing completely will disrupt my professional network. If I hyphenate, can I legally use either name (the new version for work, and my maiden name for everything else)?
It appears you're referring to three name options: divorced husband's last name, maiden name, and hyphenated name. I'm not sure what your hyphenated pairing is, but I don't think we need to get too far into the weeds to answer your question.
The key thing to remember is that you should sign your legal name to legal documents. Beyond that, you can informally use your previous/maiden/etc name in other contexts.
You can choose any last name you want. Just remember when you sign any legal documents, you must use them all. ie.. buying a home
Do you have to do a legal name change if you want to combine both last names?
Whether you're combining last names or just changing your maiden name to a new last name, you'll have to go through the formal name change process. Once you complete the process your name will be legally changed.
Correct. Don't forget to change your SS information as well as your Driver's License!
So what I'm getting from this article is that, I could hyphenate or just have two last names, is this correct? I would like an opinion after I tell you WHY I'm considering this…I'm 37, first marriage. I've had my name all my life. No problem changing, however, I have a sixteen yr old daughter who also has my name and probably will for a while. SO, those are my reasons. Does it still look disrespectful? I mainly don't want to leave her ESPECIALLY since she has no siblings. (sounds sad doesn't it?)
Anyhow, the wedding is less than three months away, so any advice is appreciated. Also, do I use MY last name first or HIS? And which way do most people do it?
My name is Edwards, His is Orme
Thank You
The hyphenation is the two last names—that's what it's referring to. You could alternatively opt for two middle names. For instance, you could go from Jane Emma Doe to Jane Emma Doe Mitchell where "Emma Doe" is your new middle name.
I think this is something you should discuss with your daughter. That's the only way you'll know for sure how she feels about the matter.
I don't think your concerns are sad at all. On the contrary, it's very thoughtful that you're factoring this into your decision making.
For hyphenations, most people do maiden name first.
I don't think you should care if it's disrespectful or not. People who matter to you don't mind those who mind don't matter. :) Think of you and your daughter before considering others' opinion.
I think that you are probably a wonderful mom. When my mom left my dad she changed back to her maiden name without so much as a hair toss my way. Why was this such a big deal? I'm an only child and the last to carry my fathers name (he has 6 sisters and again, no brothers). My dad was terminally ill and it was no secret that I would be the last one to proudly be called my surname. The kicker though, it's a tough name to grow up with. Hint: it's a properly spelled part of the human body…plural. Either you work and own it, or it'll own you. Well I grew to love it (however I would never make my kids suffer the same fate). I'm getting married in April 2014 & my hubby 2 be wants me to take his last name only. So I'm changing my plain middle name of Anne by either the dash or I may just slap my last name to it. It's who I am, and it can't imagine not being her. I would never put our future kids through it though. They might not be as feisty as their ol' ma. Also 18 + years is a long time to wait b4 they finally stop being mad and get it, & embrace it. See I was chubby, omgoodness, what if our daughter was a knock out…one builds character the other (if you've got a "hot" one) adds to ur cockiness and draws attention to it even more than other girls….wow that just hit me.
See one builds character and strength, while the other can lead to cockiness and unwanted attention from boys. Nothing like having the advantage of basically a huge neon sign, always reminding young hormonal boys of a particular place to look at. No, I think I'll keep our family's namesake safe with me…at least until our (yet to be conceived) son picks up the torch for when he marries. Awe WTHECK it's Butts, and I love it! I'm sorry I'm so off topic…here's the important part…TALK TO UR PRECIOUS DAUGHTER ABOUT IT! Pls! It's who you've always been to her, who she is, and who you both together are, as mom and child. Especially if it's a life shaper, shaker upper like "Butts". I felt so alone when I found out my mom was not even connected to me at all anymore. Like she not only wanted to leave my dad…but me too.
She's definitely old enough to know what she feels best with. Just make sure it's an accepting open vibe rolling along, and I'd just have it be the two of you. She'll be able to speak freely w/out worrying about hurting anyone else's feelings, also avoid she's only doing what she thinks she's supposed to be doing. Maybe you two can share a middle name that you come up with? Idk how corny that is, no kids yet. Lol! Pls, pls INCLUDE her! See I might not of been strong enough for what my mom did if it weren't for the overweight, gotta like me for my personality, and ignore a funny last name. This world is tough, & us girls have to be too sometimes.
Like I said though it's who I am now, and I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world! Well except move it up a bit to take my amazing fiancé's last name, and have our "kids to be" not have to worry about every role call in school…or phone calls asking if Seymour, Seymour Butts is home. Boy if I only knew how things would change. I'm 115 lbs, guys say I'm very attractive (I don't see it) and I ware that name on jerseys, my friends call me Butts or Buttsie, and I feel connected to my dad who did graduate to Heaven. I have a feeling it's going to see a few more generations, and I can't think of better ppl to be honored and remembered. It'll be hard not to make my dad a super hero to our kids. The secret's out anyways once they meet his 6 sisters…best aunts ever! Great luck!
Ur's truly,
Miss Butts
This was in response to @Ryan btw.
Ty!
Question? Do I "HAVE" to change my whole name on my drivers license, ect if I keep my last name and add his? I want to keep my "identity" ! Also, what are the "time" limits after getting married to add his last name to mine? for WV residence.
Hi Toni. Yes, if you keep your last name and add his you will have to update your drivers license to reflect the change. There isn't a time limit to change your name.