Avoiding Destructive Marriage Pitfalls
A lot of time people face the same marriage pitfalls. Every couple in a marriage, whether they have been married a long time or not, must be very active in ensuring their marriage remains fresh and interactive. Many couples find it so easy to mind the affairs of others and to give time to other things in contrast to their partners. Nonetheless, it is possible to avoid destructive marriage pitfalls and to put things right on track.
As you avoid marriage woes by overcoming them your marriage will not be in trouble and the partnership will be enhanced. While a marriage can be the source of infinite blessings and joy, it can also turn into a source of serious depression, anger, strife and disappointment. Knowing how pitfalls in marriage can be fixed is vital in sustaining a great partnership and personal well-being.
About 43 percent of married individuals fight over finances, which is one of the main reasons why married couples engage in fights. In case the two of you look and handle finances differently, the reason you are always at each other's throat, think about seeing a financial counselor or expert. Perhaps you can make it a bonding issue by reading articles, books and watching videos together on how best you could manage your family funds.
When the man refuses to arrive home in time or fix the garden shed for two months in a row, the wife could get angry and gripe about it to her co-workers, best friends or her mother. When the wife or the husband begins being questioned why they are fighting or quarreling over this or that, it is obvious someone has been talking. Essentially, venting a little is given and perhaps needed, but too much storytelling will bring a lot of trouble to any marriage.
As you complain and talk to others about your marriage problems, you end up projecting yourself as the righteous helpless victim and missing a chance to have your concerns addressed by your partner by having a talk. You might also like to avoid unloading problems with your partner to your children since they will never take sides. It is also very vital to make your marriage private again by avoiding sharing your problems with anyone. In case your friends share their partner’s flaws with you, avoid giving such flaws about your partner even if they exist. Rather than air your grievances before your friends or family gatherings, use every chance you get to praise one another openly.
Your expectations need to be real
Lots of couples around the world enter marriage unions with many unrealistic or preconceived expectations on many areas of their union, such as what their partner's role is going to be or what their marriage will be like. As time forges on, the expectations sometimes take too long to appear and frustration and disappointment builds up intensely creating resentment and lots of other complications.
It is best to have a talk about every expectation you both have and raise concerns that might crop up concerning the way your marriage is going, including the roles both of you seem to be playing as you ensure the household is running well. You can always seek advice on how to deal with sensitive subjects in marriage and how to engage in productive conversations.
Break the martyr syndrome
While it is bad to keep complaining to other people out there, suffering in silence is seriously destructive. When one of the partners or both of them act like martyrs in a marriage and keep withholding their real feelings, they run the risk of hurting their marriage through resentment that usually builds up. To break down resentment is really hard. Deal with this marriage pitfall by learning to always speak your mind, saying what you think is right or you feel on the inside.
In most cases, a marriage partner avoids talking about a problem with the other by thinking that even if the issue is voiced, nothing will happen, fundamentally a problem in itself. Setting some time to talk about issues when you are both relaxed is a plus and not when one partner is about to rush out to the grocery store or watching news on TV. You can also learn to praise your husband or wife every time he or she does something you wanted.
Fighting fair is a virtue hard learned
Married people are capable of engaging in fights all the time over everything from dirty shirts to something that was not done months later. While you might be happily married or not, know that every partner will always have frustrating times and hectic days whether the individual is the head of the company's department or the household manager. Whether the disagreement was warranted or not, you might want to resist saying words that would make your partner lose his or her mind. You can cool down and take a break, especially if you feel like exploding on your partner, and come back to the decision once you are very clear on the things you wanted to talk about. Be ready to listen to the perspective of your spouse.
Shorten the growing distance
It is obvious the modern economy calls for a busy life as people work to earn and put food on the table. Many couples are always on the run to work, busy with personal interests or with kids that they hardly realize they are drawing further apart. In fact, it is hard to realize lots of time has elapsed before you last engaged in any meaningful conversation. Bedtime passes without anything being said as you all fall asleep, tired. As you eliminate heart to heart conversations and quality time you will not be serious about your union and you might end up too casual.
You might also develop a false assumption that you do not need to work on shortening the deepening distance. As you continue avoiding quality time together and postponing talks and conversations for a long time, you might wake up and wonder why you got married in the first place. The first reaction to detachment is pulling back and things will be very bad from that moment henceforth.
If you are nice and respectful to your partner, he or she will respond in the same manner as all human beings do. Simply cut the distractions preventing you from having some quality time and take time to be together, reconnect and share things as you used to. You can have a short walk together, switch off your TV, smartphones and tablets and enjoy a board game or a drink as you talk. If the rift had extended to your bed, try to work on it. Physical intimacy makes any relationship stronger.
Get out of the ordinary
One thing you really should not get into the habit in your marriage is getting too casual or taking your partner for granted. You do not want to start building bridges later on when things seem to have already gone sour; you will have to break a leg to bring things around. However, whether you have been married for 30 years or six months it always pays to let your partner know how thankful you are by sending a romantic card out of nowhere, make a call to her place of work to say how you love him or her or appear suddenly at lunch time to take her to lunch or dinner after leaving the office.
Also, because you are already married it hardly means you cannot find an outfit, get dressed and eat out or go on a long date on a Friday evening. You can take some time and call your wife or husband and set the time and date for that romantic outing. Doing it makes you feel great and joyous while the partner will be taken aback.
Marriage the second time around
If you are in a second marriage, you can also protect yourself in a number of ways.
Engage in a conversation together on all the family members in your lives. It is possible the discussion could heat up, especially when it comes to problems with in-laws, vacations, time with the real parents of your children, and money, among others.
Time off and away
Take a couple of weekends off across the year from your normal parenting to engage in couples-only activities from time to time. Guilt should not derail you from enjoying some quality time without the kids.
Red flags are always there and it is best to pay attention to them, such as clashes in expectations and values or increased tension. If you think conflicts are increasing in your second marriage, seek expert help.
Rough patches are given in any marriage, more so during special occasions and holidays. Learn to navigate through weddings, graduations and birthdays while expecting tension and loyalty conflicts to heighten at such times.
Second marriage is not a joke and you must develop endurance and mindset of actively working on your union. If you decide not to give up so easily it is possible to keep your marriage stable for a long time.