Reasons to Not Change Your Married Name after Divorce
If there's an issue so critical such as whether a woman will take her husband's last name after marriage, it's holding onto the last name or making a decision to drop it off after divorce. It's an issue that most divorced folks talk about, especially if the man keeps on complaining that the ex-wife has stuck to the name and has refused to drop it off even after remarrying.
Chances are that the two divorcees might not be seeing eye to eye, and apart from discussing their kids, if any; communication is minimized across the board. The man might end up being irritated that the ex-wife is still using his name. Just like anything about divorce being legal, the question in most people's minds is whether there are guidelines about this.
However, this does not stop at the divorce level. There are men who might be wondering why the women they have married have refused to drop their last name from a previous marriage. While it might not seem right to some men, sticking to a last name does not really mean the woman is holding on to hopes of remarrying her ex.
Love is not involved in keeping a last name or even a maiden name, in particular if an acrimonious divorce was involved. There are newlyweds who are deeply in love but decide to maintain their own names for all kinds of reasons. And deeply happy divorcees who refuse to drop their ex's last names for all kinds of reasons.
It is worth noting that after divorce you cannot force an ex-wife to drop her last name except perhaps politely requesting her to do it. Whatever she decides is no longer your business.
As such, there are many reasons you might choose to keep your married name after divorce.
Consistent identity
If a woman keeps the last name of her ex she came to hate and reminds her of a painful part of her past life, it must be really worth it. Maintaining a consistent identity is one of the reasons why women justify holding on to their ex's last name.
If people had known the woman by that name for over a decade, it makes every sense to stick on to it. At the same time, it's possible that all the academic papers, such as degrees and diplomas earned while still married, were provided with the last name.
It is also clear that, professionally, clients and business contacts might be knowing you as Mrs. X and dropping that might bring another whole set of complications.
For instance, Tina Turner in 1978 refused to change her last name after establishing herself, career-wise, with the last name of her husband and keeping it after 13 years of marriage made a lot of sense. Some women believe their time in a past marriage, their investment and input has earned them the name and must be kept.
Children
Children are perhaps the main reason why any mother will maintain a last name after divorce. Any broken marriage that has children might compel the mother to maintain the last name of an ex or a dead husband.
Most women cite their children as the reason why they still hold on to the last name since it means they will have the same name as their kids. For some mothers, even a new child in the new marriage ends up with a hyphenated surname combining the last name of the ex with the last name of the new baby's father.
At the end of the day, everyone ends up with the last name of the ex.
Changing the last name back is a hassle
Women who have divorced and would like to have a sense of their own identity and forget the man who brought a lot of pain in their lives simply seek to have the last name dropped. However, it becomes clear the hassle involved in changing everything is a tall order, potentially expensive, and a long process, especially if changing her maiden name and transforming other items to reflect her married status took a lot of trouble and money.
It means that if you decide to revert to your maiden name you have to remove the last name from your banking information, driver's license, social security card, passport, and any other document with the ex's last name. If anyone has gone through this before, the reality of going through it again might be reason enough to stick with the ex's last name.
Prestigious name
It goes without saying, a prestigious name is just that: prestigious. If you were married to the Kennedy's, Presley's, or any Royal family you already know you have a famous name that can open many doors.
It is an esteemed name with a lot of benefits and dropping it off for a normal name that doesn't click anything in the mind once mentioned might not seem very wise. This is why women who have been married to famous people, celebrities, kings, millionaires, and presidents, among others, might not let the name go.
Business reasons
At times, married couples establish so many business relationships using the last name of the husband. Since no one can foresee a future where both of them are separated, it seems logical to support such a decision where the family name establishes businesses.
However, in case of a divorce, it makes a lot of sense to maintain the last name of the ex if an established company that has reverted to the ex-wife bears his last name. Companies would lose their standing and good business damaged if the name were to be changed.
At the same time, if the customers and business partners know the ex-wife better with the last name of the ex-husband, it makes a lot of sense to maintain that name. Although there are ways to change your name while keeping the business name intact, such as registering a DBA.
Impossible to let go of former lives
There are times when the woman is not the one who asked for a divorce. She might find it hard for various reasons to just let the last name of the ex go. Chances are she might be emotionally attached and still have feelings for the ex and since no one really knows the future, she might decide to stick with it.
There are cases where the divorce was done in an honest and kind manner and both parties were friendly right through the emotionally wrecking process. At such a case, it might be hard for the woman who did not go through a spiteful separation to just drop her last name, especially if the ex was considerate enough to end the marriage with more than she bargained for.
Fun, unique and exciting
Women have been found to keep their ex's last name for all kinds of reasons. Some women claim that going to their maiden name is a no-no because they did not like their father's to begin with, particularly those whose dads were estranged, drunkards, and always absent in virtually all their lives. To such women, the ex's last name is a better prospect, particularly if the divorce was not rancorous. The ex's last name can also be unique, exotic and more fun.
Your last name as the first name
At times, even if you want to change your last name, circumstances might force you to stick with it. Apart from keeping the last name for the sake of the kids, business, or how exotic and fun it sounds, there are those who might have another reason.
For example, a woman in the military may find it easier to stick to their last name because the first name is the last name. You are known by your last name and it's your identity. Dropping it might mean changing your life completely, yet unless you leave the military and the country, your colleagues in the military may always refer to you by your last name.
No matter the reason you have for sticking with your ex's last name, it is your right under the law. There are also places where you have to indicate in a divorce decree whether you are keeping the married name or not.
My bf has been "seperated" not legally for 15 yr now about a month ago he decided to go on with divorce process. His ex dicided to keep the last name out of spite and don't want another woman to have the name there children are grown with kids of there own. In the state of IN can she be entitled to anything or is the name useless?
That is her prerogative. She's not obligated or required to change it.
Her prerogative is only to keep the name. She can't stop someone else from taking it.
Just as her former husband had no power to take it back from her, she has no power to withhold it from someone else he marries now.
I was legally divorced in the state of Texas last year. I never did change my name back to my maiden name and prefer not too, however I am curious to find out if there is a way to change my last name to something completely different.
It would have to be by court petition.
Hi, I divorced my exhubby in 1995 in Nevada, but in January 2018, I received a certified letter stating that he’s divorcing me from NYC now.
I’ve since called his attorney telling him this is a mistake, but unfortunately I don’t have the divorce decree anymore nor can it be found in the county clerks office.
So here we are today where I’ve received the divorce papers stating that I can have my maiden name restored, which is what I want now since our daughter is an adult.
Even thou I know I was divorced before, can I use today’s divorce decree to get my mainden name back without having to pay to have it changed now?
TIA!
County clerk? Have you tried the court clerk?
Probably. If whichever institution your changing your name with isn't aware of your divorce history, your most recent divorce decree may be taken at face value.
I am getting a Divorce after 15 years of marriage to my 2nd husband But i am engaged and getting married in a few months.I asked the judge 4 me 2 go back 2 my maden name but my 13 year old little girl dont want me 2.so i dont half 2 change my license and ssi several times ( when she grants me my Divorce next month can i Change my name 2 my soon 2 be husbands last name so i dont half 2 do the changes several times?He wants me 2 have his last name and not my soon 2 be X husbands when we get married.
Asking that the judge includes this keeps your options open. You don't have to change it for real.
No, only a prior last name. When you get married again, your marriage certificate is what you'll use to change your name, not your divorce decree.
Hello, I've been divorced over ten years and have kept the married name because of children and a professional license. Now my children are (mostly) grown. One is married and the other is in college. And I'm about to get another professional license in another field, which I believe will be permanent.
I'm unsure of whether to change my name because to my maiden name for the new license, it leave it as is and be stuck with the ex's last name for my child's sake for 2-3 more years.
Or can I leave the ex's name on the old license, do, etc. and put my maiden name on the new (work-related) license?
This is more of a moral dilemma than anything. Please help!
First, you have to decide if you're going to formally change your name. It appears that your legal name is not your maiden name. You wouldn't be able to update your license until you decide what to do here.
If you do decide to change, whatever entity issues your professional license may want to be notified. Depending on your profession, this may be mandatory or at least highly recommended. Whether they require your license be reissued in your new name varies.
I asked the courts to change my name after my divorce and now I want to keep it because of my kids. Can I do that? Do I have to go back to court to change my statement?
Yes. Just do nothing and nothing changes.
No, you don't have to go back to court. You're not obligated to change your name just because you obtained a court order to do so. It simply gave you the option to. It's nonbinding.
My fiance kept her ex husbands last name. We are applying for a marriage license. Is she required to use her current legal name with her ex husbands last name? Or can she use her maiden name on the marriage license?
When the application asks for her name, it's referring to her current legal name. Some applications may ask for any prior name, but that would be a separate field.
If your fiancée wants your marriage certificate to reflect her maiden name she has to go to the trouble of changing it back legally.
If her divorce decree states she can resume her birth name or maiden name, she could probably use that document to change her driver's license and with that new identification, all her other documents and accounts, and then she can marry you in her maiden/birth name because it will then be her legal name again.
My fiance asked for his name back as part of the divorce and his wife agreed and signed it on the divorce papers. She is now refusing to change her name. What can be done about this?
Nothing really. Your fiance's ex-wife can't be compelled to change her name.
Law very strange that ex husband have no right to pull his name from his ex wife. Might could change in the future. It seems if guy marry many times and divorce and they all refused to change name. Seems that guy have a lot of wives. Like all of them are Mrs…😂 so silly…
Might could be for exchange company if first Mrs… absent could change with other ex wife… as for proof id they have same name🤣🤣🤣
It's the ex-wife's legal name as much as his.
Unlikely.
Ex-wives. And it's no guarantee that all of them would have taken their spouse's name at the time.
I'm not sure what you're saying here.
Hello Wida! 🙂 I think the law is a good one. There should not be a law that allows forcing anyone to change their legal name.
Many people have the same last names and aren't even related anyway.
As mentioned above in the article, it is a huge hassle and costly and timely process to legally change your last name at anytime….after marriage or after divorce or because one wants to.
A woman could possibly decide to change her last name from her previous marriage if she were to remarry or just because, but that is her legal right to choose and legal right to do so. I have changed my name twice…. after I was married and after my divorce. It is a huge pain, because you have to change your name on EVERYTHING.
If I was forced to change my last name, I probably would have not changed it and fought for my legal right to keep my legal name I took when married as it is the same as my child's and as it should be my choice even if I didn't have a child and also because I am the one who has to go through all the hassles and pay the costs involved in changing my name.
If there was a law that allowed a divorced man to force his ex-wife to change her last name, that would cause a lot of problems with women and women's rights.
In society, it is rare that a man take his wife's last name. That said, most men don't have to go through all the hassle of applying for name change and going to court for approval of name change after divorce or marriage and change their name on all legal documents and bank accounts and so on.
It wouldn't be right from a moral standpoint to force anyone to do that especially with all that is involved in changing one's last name. It wouldn't be fair to the mother if she wanted to keep the last name of her children also.
The man's and his fiancé or new wife's opinions on the matter shouldn't matter in creating or changing the law to one that allows forcing an ex-wife to have to go through the hassle of changing her last name. If this makes any sense.
I am trying to help you and others try to see it from another perspective as to why the law is not silly. In a free country, the government cannot nor should force or allow anyone to force someone to change their last name because of one's personal opinions and feelings.
This is why I mentioned that many people have the same last name and are not related. It would be the same in this matter. It was legally changed, so it is now legally the ex-wife's last name.
"Might could change in future" – I do not know if you are referring to the law changing in the future as this would not happen or if the ex-wife might change her last name in future which she could as she has every right to if she wanted to.
I hope this helps with better understanding of this matter from a different point of view and understanding why it is important to not make laws that force people to do such things as this. 🙂
It depends on the wording of the divorce decree, and whether the husband gave her something in exchange for changing her name and whether the decree was merged.
She could be in contempt of the court's if the court order was worded to compel the change based on the agreement.
Also, If the agreement was not merged into the order and he gave her some consideration in exchange for the change he might be able to sue her for breach of the Agreement as a contract but a trial court is unlikely to compel her to change her name. She's not his wife anymore so who cares what her name is?
She's "the former Mrs." either way.
You'd need a lawyer to evaluate the Agreement and Order for you and that costs money.
Most Likely, it's not worth it, because a court is not likely to compel her to specifically perform the change and you'd probably be paying for the court to say she can go ahead and use it.
You should just stay off these comments lol your perception is so skewed. The name doesn't make you married… the marriage does… it means he has a lot of ex-wives not wives… wow… really please just stop talking on the internet.
They were married… it happened… get over it… she likely earned that name lol… I cant imagine being so ridiculous as demanding someone change their name…
My situation is totally different, I am filing for divorce now but, during my marriage, I had changed my First Name. Do they allow me to keep my new First name and Maiden last name? Or I have to change to the name I had before I was married?
Name change during divorce wouldn't affect your first name. You would be able to keep it unchanged. You can request your last name be returned to your maiden name or any prior legal surname.
I got divorced a couple of years ago and the decree says my name would go back to previous legal name. My passport is still in my ex’s last name. I also have global entry with ex’s last name. It is now time to renew my passport. Can i renew and keep under my ex’s last name to prevent hassle of changing global entry too? I rather not change the name back.
Yes, you can maintain the status quo.
Just continue the question. So when you renew passport you don't need to show marriage cert anymore? So it means woman who divorce can keep pretending still have a husband (as last name didn't change)? As I know you just change your residence to be independent (don't have husband) and you just free have passport with your own name.
Correct.
It's not pretending, as it remains their legal name until changed.
Marital status is irrelevant when it comes to maintaining your passport.
lolol @ keep pretending they still have a husband…….hahahaha
what???
That is the LAST reason I kept my married name. EVERYONE knows me as this name and its a HASSLE to change it. It doesn't matter and definitely does not mean you're pretending you still have a husband… omg… really please lol
First of all, thank you for keeping up with this conversation! I will be going through the divorce process soon. I do not want my ex last name or my maiden name. Is it ok to use another? It is my step fathers but he never legally adopted me.
You can request it from the judge, but it's unlikely. Name change via divorce is meant to restore a former name. You'll likely be told to separately petition the proper court for a new name.
You can ask the Family Court to resume use of any surname you have used during your adult life (age 18 or older). Otherwise, yes, you will probably have to separately petition the Civil Court.
Hi! I had a divorce last 2015 and requested for my name to change it back to my maiden name. But since then, I have not change or still use my married name in my IDs, account. I am now applying for citizenship and would like to know if my legal name would be of that in the divorce decree or what i am still using. thank you!
What you're still using, considering you never legally switched back to your maiden name.
very sexist slant to this article
Actually, subsequent to the events of September 11, 2011, most states have significantly toughened their laws about changing your name.
So the decree does matter. The effect of the divorce decree depends on the wording of the divorce decree. It can have the effect of a court order to change your name which was predicated on your choice at the time.
If it says you "may" change your name or resume your maiden or birth name, then you have a choice.
If it says you "will" or "shall" change your name back to another name or that it is your new legal name, then you were ordered to do so and you're in contempt of the order.
You could re-approach the family court to change the order if the wording is unfavorable
If the Feds catch it, that may stall your application for citizenship or block it altogether because it means you're effectively using an alias.
Be careful.
I have been married two times I've never carried second hubby name I've always carried. My firs husband name everything is in his last name .I called as the other day and they have me under my second name. How do I get it back to the name I've used since I've been 16? Can I go to the small court house in my town and do it? What do I need top get this done ?
Hi Louise. If you're talking about changing your name through court, which court you file in varies by state. Which state are you a resident of?
I have a question. I divorced my ex but never changed my last name after the divorce because of the inconvenience of change all my documents and I was using his last name for more than 10?years. But now I’m getting married next year and I don’t know what last name I have to use for the ceremony and my new marriage certificate. My current last name ( my ex last name) or my last name previous married.
Please help!!!
Hi Sulma. When you fill out your marriage application, put down your current legal name. If there's a spot available to specify a new name post-marriage, put your new preferred name.
Hi I divorced in March, I requested my name be restored back to my maiden name. The judge did grant this but do I actually have to switch back or can I keep my married name? As stated it is a pain to change your name!!!
Thanks
Alisha
No, you can skip it.
Thank you so much I did not want to go through all the hassle of changing it. So do I keep it as it was when I was married or first,maiden,married?
I was married 33yrs ago and taken on my ex's last name. Now I am engaged to someone and they want me to change my name back to my maiden name before we marry. Is this fair for me to go through the hassle of me changing my name?
No one can force you to change your name. It's your decision to do so or not. If you do decide to go forward with restoring your maiden name, you can only use your divorce decree as a mechanism if it contains an order to restore your maiden name. If it contains no such line, you must petition the court.
Well for me when your first marry you change name to his because you proud that people will say hi Mrs. X then you marry again with Mr. Y… So what are you thinking now? Do you like people say hi Mrs. X , hi Mr. Y… will you book 1 room twin or seperate room? Just like ridiculous. Or on wedding people should say congratulation Mr & Mrs Y. Not congrats Mr y and Mrs x?
My divorce became final last week I requested to go back to my maiden name and is granted on the decree now after thinking about it all the pain to change back to my maiden name Im thinking about just keeping my married name but the decree is final and the maiden name is official do I have to change everything or can I say to heck with it and keep my married name
You don't have to change anything. Your divorce decree simply provides you the option to go back to your maiden name, if you so choose.
If you're sticking with your married name, file your decree away and forget about it. If you later reconsider and want to return to your maiden name, the option remains available.
I am in the process of getting divorces, and the decree will restore my maiden name. Do I have to go through the process to change everything immediately? Or, can I wait for as long as I want?
You can wait for as long as you want. After the court grants you the order to restore your maiden name, it's not concerned about whether or not you ultimately go through with it.
I have ben divorced for almost 2 years now and I am wanting to change my last name back to my maiden last name how can I do that since I have been divorced for going on two years?
Hi Jen. If your divorce decree has an order restoring your maiden name, use that document to change your name. If no such order exists, you'll have to obtain a court order.
I wanna keep my current married last name while I legally add my new husband’s name. Is this possible? I live in Jacksonville and discussed with a divorce lawyer, but I keep asking professionals because I was not satisfied.
Hi Ken. That shouldn't be a problem.
Hello group I have a question that someone mite to answer for me. Four months I got divorce and it was somewhat peaceful. Ten was a relationship and ten married and one of the reasons the was a divorce she is on the loose side. Now I have asked a lot of people and the law says she doesn't have to but I was reading something on the internet where if she fight you she can pay me money every month for using my name. Is this true of BS
I don't understand what you're saying here. Fight you how?
I was married for 15 years legally changed my maiden name to my married name. I have now been divorced almost 3 years. I took my maiden name back legally through the divorce. I now want to go back to my ex husbands last name. Is there anyway to do that? I already changed everything to my maiden name but wish I didn’t for numerous reasons. so can I take back my ex husbands name even though I legally already went back to my maiden name?
You'll have to head to court and file a petition for a regular adult name change.
May I ask why you wish you’d kept the ex’s name? Trying to make this decision myself
Hello,
I was divorced 10 years ago but kept his last name, did not change it back to maiden. Now I'm trying to get married, at the courthouse they asked me for a certified copy of divorce decree, it says I have to change my last name back to maiden one. Do I need to change the name to maiden and then apply for marriage license, then change to new last name again? or Can I proceed to only change it once after new marriage?
No, you do not.
Yes.
my husband passed away and i would like to use only my madien name, all the info i have read is about divorce and some just crazy on how to do it. is there an easy way to change a name?
Hi Ellen. No, there isn't an easier way. You'd have to petition the court to return to your maiden name.
I'm divorce but still have my birth maiden- and my ex name I want to get married again can I drop my ex name and add my present husband or do I of to do paper work before getting married and after married. I just want to do my IDs once..
Hi Keneisha. You can make the change at once after your upcoming marriage.
Amarie
I am divorce I kept my ex last name
Now, I am remarried, I would like to know can I still keep my ex last name, and my current husband name as well? Reason being all of my certification high school Diploma and BA degree is in my ex last name. Also my DL and SS, Passport, will it be a problem if I leave every thing the way it is or do I ofto change them all to my current husband last name
You can hyphenate, if that's what you're suggesting.
You can leave them unchanged.
I am divorced and still has my ex last name. I am about to remarry and would like to have my maiden name on the marriage certificate. Is this possible? After marriage, I plan to change my last name to my second husband's last name.
Hi Mary. It varies by state. Some will permit you to return to your maiden name or a previous surname.
I was hoping to get an answer because I haven't been able to get ahold of my lawyer and it's now the weekend. If I just had my divorce finalized on the 24th of march 2018 and when the judge asked me whether I wanted to keep my ex-husband's last name or take my maiden name back, I said I wanted to go back to my maiden last name. When he told my kids that I was going to have a different last name then them, they were very upset. After a lot of thought I want to keep his last name. Since I haven't even received any papers on the divorce, can I still change my mind and keep it legally? If it matters it is in the state of Ohio. Please and thank you for any help.
An order in your divorce decree restoring your maiden name simply gives you the option to revert if you so chose. It's not automatic. Do nothing, and your current name stays the same.
Down the road, if you want to return to your maiden name, you can use your divorce decree to do it instead of having to petition the court.
Do I have to change my last name back to my madien name when I get divorced or can I keep my married name forever? Tennessee laws
You do not have to change it. You can keep your married name as long as you prefer.
You can still ask the judge to restore your maiden name or a prior name in the divorce decree, but you don't have to actually change it. Having it there will give you the option to change it if you later have a change of heart.
Can a person Ugo back to a last name they have no document for? Example I'm adopted I'm getting a divorce, can I go back to my name before I was adopted or do I have to use my adopted name which I have a birth certificate for. My name before I was adopted I have no birth certificate.
Hi Barbara. During your divorce proceedings, you can request the judge restore your name before adoption. It's no guarantee it'll be accepted, especially without supporting documentation.
If the judge denies your request, you'll have to petition the court for a name change, which doesn't require supporting documents.
Barbara, I’m in a similar situation as you. I was adopted and given a made up birth certificate with the adoptive name. Then I married/divorced and kept that last name and now I’m divorcing again. That’s four names! I’m planning to offer my adoption papers as supporting documentation to go back to my birth name. I think it’s a slim chance but definitely worth a try! Otherwise I will just petition the court for a name change after the divorce.
I moved to the US in 2007 and married an American citizen and took his last name. In 2012 we divorced and the judge asked me what name I want after the divorce; I said I will revert back to my maiden name so the divorce decree says that the maiden name is restored to me. After a little while I realized what a hassle would be o go through the name change process and chose to keep the married name. The issue is that now I want to register my marriage and divorce in my home country so I can obtain an ID with my married name but they want the divorce decree to say that I can keep the married name? What should I do? All my documents here were never changed to my maiden name.
Hi Adina.
You have a few ways to go:
1. You can contact the court and ask that your divorce decree be amended, but that's unlikely to be accepted.
2. You can obtain a court ordered name change, which would override your divorce decree.
3. You can explain that the restoration of your maiden name on the divorce decree was legally nonbinding and that your legal name is still your married name.
I came in the US thru Fiancé Visa and married my bf in Cali. We’re in the process of divorcing now after 10 yrs of marriage. I have all my documents under his last name like my very first SS card, US passport and DL. He wants me not to keep his last name after divorce. I have 2 children from my previous marriage from abroad, and they acquired citizenship through me. If I change my name, will it affect my children’s US passport once we’re renewing them since I’m having a different name? I established my identity in the US using my husband’s last name. It would be a pain for me to change my name after divorce. Please advice me. Thank you.
No, it will not affect them.
I divorced my ex in 2006 and hyphenated using maiden-ex's name because i had two young kids and it would be easier having the same last name. Now my youngest is in his last year of high school and I want to remove the -Ex name. It is my legal name on all my documents (I think…) I know my bank accounts, w-2's, social security, license and passport are all in that name.
How do I go about dropping the hyphen legally? Do I just need my birth certificate and the divorce decree or will the birth certificate alone do the trick since I'm hyphenated?
Thank you!
If your divorce decree includes an order dropping your ex's last name, then that's the only document you'll need. If it includes no such order, you'll have to petition the court to drop the name.
Thank you. I'll have to check my divorce decree… haven't looked at it in years!
My ex wife told me she lost my last name, because I didn’t document that she could keep it.
Hi Cody. I don't know what you mean by this. Please clarify.
Hello,
My divorced came out last year, Sept 2018.
I am Still using my ex’s last name until now .
I am getting married to my new partner next year, feb 2020.
Do I need to change my last name from my ex’s to My maiden name before I get married?
We are filling up paperworks as we are getting married in the church.
Does this mean I cannot use My ex’s last name But change back to My maiden name?
I just want to avoid all the paper works it require like changing passports and drivers license.
Please help.
No.
When applying for your marriage license, use your current legal name, which matches your ex's.
hi I got divorced and still used my husbands last name, i on my passport, And Dl, now I’m getting married again and would like to change to my current husbands last name. What do I need to do? Do I need to provide paper work stating that I was divorced, and never changed my last name or would my current marriage certificat which was issued outside the United States work to change my passport and Dl to my new name
Hi Dana. You don't need to reference your divorce papers. Your foreign marriage certificate is sufficient.
Thank you for your response, my marriage certificate is not the original as I was married outside the United States and the certificate is not in English, however I have a copy translated in English and notarized, would this be accepted, if not, what do I need to do? My husband is outside the United States and not a citizen.
Hi Dana. If your foreign marriage certificate is a certified copy, you're good to go.
So please answer me this. What if the new boyfriend is just unsettled with her retaining the last name of her husband since they have been divorced 8 years and he's remarried. They have kids together and now they are teenagers. It can't be as easy as well its my daughters last name.
Hi Dan. Ultimately, it's her choice to maintain the name or revert to a prior. There's been cases of spouses and spouses' spouses upset over their ex maintaining their surname, even when the divorce decree granted an order restoring a prior name. There's no recourse for them. If the person doesn't want to change their name, there's not much that can be done to compel them.
I will be married for 7 years this June. I haven't changed my name on some of my documents like my social security card, or DL but everything else has been changed this day one. My question is when I change my name will it be counted for the 7yrs that I have been married or treated as the date it was changed. I'm from IL please help
From the date it was changed. No backdating.
my husband and i were together for 14 years then we separated (not legal) i went to work but i used my maiden name for 35 years but my ss card has my married name on it and ss has my work history under my married name can i change my name back to my maiden name name before i collect my ss my husband has since died and we never shared anything in the 32 years we were apart
Hi Ann. You will have to petition the court for the SSA to change your name back to your maiden.
I have been married twice..so obviously divorced once and looks like I will be going through another. Can I go back to my last name from my first marriage?
Hi Sevans. During the divorce proceedings request the judge restore your preferred prior name.
So I was married before and changed my name. When I divorced I never changed my name back since it was easier not going through those motions.
I am now engaged again and for my new marriage I would like to use my maiden name till I take my new husband name. What documents do I need to change and what can I wait till I get married?
Could I just get social security and license changed? Then hold off on notifying my job as well as bank and credit cards?
I am getting married next September and I realized I need to get this in the works well beforehand.
Thank you
If your divorce decree includes an order restoring your maiden name, then use it to change your name with the SSA, DMV, etc. If it contains no such order, you must petition the court for a name change.
hi, I was married back in europe and came with my husband in united states. Later we got divorced, but I did my divorce back home where i was married at. Cheaper that way. Its been 15 yrs since then and due to kids I kept his last name. Now i like to change it to my maiden. Since my divorce is from another country and I live in US, how can I change my last name? i do have it in english copy and noterized from back home. What do i do to start the process? thank you
Hi Nina. If your divorce certificate contains an order to restore your maiden name, then you can use it. Otherwise, you'll have to petition the court for a general adult name change.
I have kept my ex's name so I will have the same last name as my children. Now that my children are older, my youngest in college, I have decided to change my name to my maiden name. I changed my name first at SS then to DMV and my professional license. Little did I know that I still have a lot to change, banks, insurance companies, some professional docs, mortgage, life insurance, liability insurance, car insurance, loans….etc..etc. I now regret that I started this process. Can i revert everything and change my name back to my ex-husbands's name? I am known in my industry as Dr M, and M___ being my ex's last name. It will be difficult for everyone to identify me with my maiden name. Is it possible to go back to using my ex's name? go back to SS, DMV and professional license? I need help please…
Yes, you can reverse the name change process, but you'll have to obtain a court order first. The government institutions you cited will need such a document to change your name again.
I went through a divorce and legally went back to my maiden name. I own and operate a business in my married name and elected to continue working under that name. I changed everything license, passport, etc and now I am struggling with needing to use two names and would rather have the married name back for personal and professional. Am I able to change my name back to the married name legally if I elect to do so?
Yes, you can legally return to your previously married name.
Hello,
I've been divorced almost 30 years, and like some of the comments, I kept it so I would have the same name as my daughter. I always said I'd change it back to my maiden name once she got married. She's not married yet, but I have a feeling it will happen in the next couple of years.
Petitioning the court for a name change was mentioned a couple of times so I'm assuming that's what I need to do. If so, will I have to show divorce papers/ proof that I'm divorced?
Thank you
No, you will not have to show proof of divorce.
Personally I think the person that wrote this article is ignorant. I don't care what the argument is I believe when a man marries a woman and the woman in marriage accept his proposal and is granted his last name that is sacred that is entailed in marriage.
I think especially after divorce when they do not see eye-to-eye and they have grown apart and decide to separate that they're definitely should be a separation of the last name that was granted two his wife. I don't care what the argument is a woman should not be able to keep the married name regardless if they have children or not. The children are apart of the father but the ex-wife is no longer apart of the ex-husband.
This should be common law that after divorce the name of the ex-wife returns to her maiden name. I believe there is still a connection left open when the ex-wife is allowed to carry on the marital name this should be illegal and considered as a counterfeit illusion and a fake name at that point.
I totally agree with you daniel r luna.
So true Daniel.
I changed back to my maiden name after divorce.
Well said.
No excuses !
I did not want to keep my ex-husband's last name. I only kept it because my children. They were young and they were devastated when I said I wanted to change my last name. They had already been through enough. I took my marriage vow sacred and did everything I could to make it work. He wouldn't go to counseling or even try to discuss anything. Instead he pushed me away and cheated on me. I am getting remarried whenever my current boyfriend and I are ready. I will gladly take his name for the rest of my life 😍 My kids will be old enough to understand.
Says the guy who never had to deal with a name change himself. When you get married, you should know if your wife takes your last name, that becomes her legal name and that it continues to be HER legal name if you should get divorced, unless SHE decides to change it. You have no say at that point. You can ask her to change it, but that is 100% her decision.
If this raises problems for you, you can agree to take HER last name when you get married, then if you should get divorced you can be the one to go through the hassle of changing your name back. But if she takes your name, it legally becomes HER name as well and you have no more right to the name than she does.
If it bothers you that much that she retains your last name after divorce, then change YOUR name. I can hear you saying, "why should I have to change my name? This IS my name." Well it's every bit as much her name now, too. The best way to avoid the frustration is to never get married in the first place.
Well said
Wow, Wow l totally agree with you 200, percent
Hello I was just divorced August ,23, 2016 and on the divorce I asked to change my name but now I want to stay with my marriage name because of my daughter she likes that we have the same last name she already went through mm and dad separating I don't want to take this away. Can I keep my married name if on divorce papers say ok to change it or do I have to go back to court and say I want to keep it? Or just leave it alone?
You don't have to change it. You don't have to return to court. You can leave your name untouched.
Please help,
I've been separated from my chronically abusive spouse for five years now and within these years I've gotten my master's degree still bearing his name (this is of course without his support). There is a child from the marriage which he has constantly rejected as being his own so as to avoid any kind of support from him and this child (boy)is bearing his name too.,my confusion and question is, can I change both my name and that of the child to my own name or should both of us bear my maiden name..
Hi Nony. It's up to you how you choose to change your name and your child's. It's whichever you prefer.
Nony that is a very good choice on your behalf … especially given the fact that this man was abusive and rejex his own child why would you want to be reminded daily of that man and his last name associated with you and your life this is exactly one of the reasons why the maiden name should revert back as the original name once a divorce happens. My ex-wife was a Flander that cheater and abusive we had three beautiful children a beautiful home a beautiful life. When I chose to divorce her because she would not change. I believe it is a slap in my face for her to continue on using the marital name I have sensed used a different name for myself just because I feel tarnished by her flaunting my name…
the term is philanderer.
My husband is going through a horrible custody cause. we are raising his daughter . she is remarried now and still uses Arrao.. if she has a new drivers license under her married name is this illegal that she is still using Arrao in court and other legal things
Hi Karen. It depends on if she's trying to commit fraud or evade debt. It's also not clear which is her legal name. You say she has it changed on her driver's license, but what about her social security card? Some people have name mismatches with the SSA and DMV, where they update one but delay updating the other. If the SSA still has her maiden name, then it would make sense for her to continue using it.
Does anyone have the experience of going through a divorce and being able to add their maiden name to their children's middle names to ease any confusion about parentage?
Hi DrK. You'd typically have to go to court and the other parent may have to agree to the change in writing.
My wife was court ordered. How can I make her change it
Hi Tony. Unless it was a part of the settlement agreement, there's not much you can do to compel the name change.
Hi. My divorce was final in January. In the papers I elected to restore my maiden name. However, when I remarried in March I hadn't changed my name back yet on drivers license etc so used old married name on marriage application. For the name change field on marriage application I didn't put anything (though my maiden name is mentioned in maiden name field).
My question: can I still use divorce decree to change back to maiden name and if I do will I have an issue proving that I'm married to my new spouse? Hope this makes sense.
Yes, you can still use it.
No, it wouldn't be a problem. They're unrelated issues.
I am divorced and kept my ex husbands last name. I didn't ask to be restored to my maiden name in the decree. I am getting remarried and want to use my maiden name on my new marriage license. Will that cause me any problems getting my new married name put on all my legal documents, i.e. Social Security card, etc.?
On your marriage license application, where it asks you to specify your name, you must put your current legal name and not a prior name. Using your ex's name wouldn't prevent you from changing your surname to your spouse's.
Am a divorce woman.. Can I file or bring my new spouse that is living outside, U. S with my ex husband last name… Because am still using my ex last name.. Can I change the last name to my new spouse last name before filing him to U. S
Hi Mercy. You can change your name to your spouse once you've acquired a certified copy of your marriage record.
My wife kept her husband's last name as she likes it better than her maiden name and also because she shares the name with her daughter, I know she has no "love" feelings for her ex. With that said, it does make me feel a little strange that she kept his name. I just look at is as something I need to get over. It's my deal not hers and I totally get her reasoning. But, yeah…my insecurities creep in and it does bug me sometimes. Haha. And I'm 45. What the hell? Sigh.
Hi Brad. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
It annoys me that my Husband's ex did not change her last name. Especially since she feels he never did anything for her or the marriage and blames the entire divorce on him. Duh yeah the affair you had did not affect the marriage haha. That is the only reason it bothers me. I am prideful and would change my last name back to maiden especially since she can't stand him. Change it back Heffa!
Sounds like you are threatened by her keeping his last name. Very immature especially when you call the woman a Heffa. Maybe you need to mature a bit.
I feel ya. It’s seems almost like if I divorced someone I’d give them the name back especially if I did not want to be married and I divorced them. It’s interesting that ppl think your being immature I dont think that, if I were you I’d ask my man to ask for her to change her name back to her maiden name. And it seems like maybe the ex is being petty. And if it were me I’d be extra petty and when married I’d reference myself as the real mrs. so n so. Period.
I do find that a little weird. If her daughter is a minor or the daughter expressed that desire, that's one thing. If I were you I would just tell people that she kept her maiden name (as in, pretend that's her maiden name) instead of telling people she has her ex's last name… Is she aware of your feelings or do you feel like you have to keep it to yourself?
Would she be willing to hyphenate (Elizabeth Exname-Yourname or Elizabeth Yourname-Exname) or to tag yours on as a second/first last name or middle name (so Elizabeth Exname becomes Elizabeth Exname Yourname or even Elizabeth Yourname Exname)? I don't see a reason why it couldn't be Elizabath Yourname Exname since that would still give her the same last name as her daughter.
Imo this is a big enough issue that if you don't work out y'all's feelings about it, you're setting the stage for further marital problems. Don't feel that because you're a man it's wussy to have feelings about the matter (you don't even have to say you're insecure, you could just say you have a strong preference if you're too embarrassed)– you're allowed. I'm the butch in a butch/femme lesbian relationship so I understand that you probably don't want to emasculate yourself by acting like you care too much, but otoh you can't walk around feeling disrespected or it's going to turn into a complex and you'll wind up getting mad about something else bc it will have built up. Do something about this man.
I kept my ex husband's name so I'd have the same last name as my daughter. I said for a long time that I wouldn't want to change it if I remarried. My boyfriend always said he wouldn't care one way or the other. He and I have been together for 5 years at this point. I've thought more so recently if we ever decide to get married, I would hyphenate. My daughter is now old enough to understand why our names didn't match exactly. And I think most people unless they knew me before I was married would just think it was a married + maiden name hyphenation.
I am filing for my divorce on my own. Due to work related issues and a child I do not feel the need to change my name back to my maiden name. However on the paperwork drawn up for me the line item is listed as:
14. NAME CHANGE
I ask the Court to change my name back to the name I had before my marriage
How can I re-word it so that there is no request for a name change. Any help would be appreciated.
Hi Michelle. Saying you want a name change on your divorce papers doesn't obligate you to follow through. It just gives you the option. If you specify that you want to go back to your maiden but never do, that's fine. If you don't specify it and later do want to return to your maiden, then you've likely locked yourself out of that option through use of the divorce decree.
Hi, can you clarify, Valera? Are you saying that I can request the change in my divorce decree but not act on it at that time? I have heard it is expense to change your name legally, but when it's part of the divorce 'package', there is no real extra cost. If this is accurate, I could continue to use my ex's last name until my kids are out of school and THEN go back to my maiden name?
Yes.
Correct.
Yes, but make sure to ask the judge to restore your maiden name before finalizing your divorce decree.
My current husband's ex wife still using his last name and recently got married. My question is since I just changed my name will all benefits belong to me or is she entitled to something?
Hi Tracie. Name usage doesn't have any affect on benefits. It's marital status that counts.
My husband's ex wife took her maiden name back after they divorced.We found out just recently that she still uses my husband's last name, even though we have in writing (divorce degree) that she restored her name back to her maiden name… My question is, is this legal? Can she really still use our name? She even gave her daughter our name, and blamed the hospital on it… I just don't know, something doesn't seem right about this situation.
* I forgot to mention that she used different names at different times… Our last name, her maiden name and also her last ex husband's name ( she's actually going through another divorce right now).
Yes, it is legal. A divorce decree order restoring a prior name isn't a command, it's an option. She doesn't have to follow through to change it for real if she doesn't want to.
Something doesn't seem right to me about the fact that you think she has something that exclusively belongs to you and your husband. The fact of the matter is that it became her own name the minute she legally changed it in the first place. So she didn't give her daughter "your" name; she gave her daughter her own name. She may or may not have changed it legally after the divorce, which requires applying for new documents from the government (a divorce decree is just the document that permits you to do it). But either way, unless she's engaging in identity fraud against you, what she does with her name after divorcing your husband isn't even any of his business.
I have a kind of interesting situation. I was divorced and on my divorce decree it does state that I had intentions of taking back my maiden name. I however, did not go to the social security office to change it. I am getting remarried and I am taking his last name and my SSN has my ex's last name but all of my identification is under my maiden name. Will I have any issues with getting remarried if I have all of my other paperwork such as BC and divorce decree? I live in HI!
Hi Grace. No, you shouldn't face any problems.
Personally I have been divorced for 8 years now and I remarried 3 years ago. I still have my ex's last name, I never "legally" took my new husband's last name due to having a young child with the ex. I wanted that child and his teachers to be able to connect the two. But now, that ex is remarrying and I feel odd about keeping the name still. My son is 11 years old and I am thinking about still keeping it but hyphenating my husband's last name. Then again a part of me says my son is old enough and it's ok to change to my husband's last name.
My question is this, is it hard to change from a hyphenated name to just one last name at a later time?
Hi Alice. It's not hard. You'll just have to go through a court petitioned name change for a follow-up name change.
My elderly stepmother remarried after my husbands Dad died. Her marraige certificate has her new married name on it but she did not change any legal document..drivers license, SS card, trust accounts. etc. She recently had to divorce this man she was married to for 10 yrs. What is her legal name since nothing was changed? She lives in New Mexico and we are having to get our Real ID requirements up to date. Will this be a problem and what is her legal name??
Hi LaVonne. It's whatever her name was prior to her last marriage.
what would be the benefit to changing my last name to my husband's after he's already asked for a divorce? The name had not been changed after 8 years of marriage, but after a divorce was in the works I was told I should take his last name. I use it publicly on social media but haven't established anything else in that name.
Hi Khristine. The only benefit would be if it satisfies your personal preference. Otherwise, it'll be more work to change it than to keep your current name as-is.
Hi I was married for ten years and am divorced for 30 years I kept my exs last name because of professional licenses I am getting married to another woman who is divorced and kept her married name because of children can I take her exs last name since she kept it
Hi Tracee. Yes, you can.
Hi, my sister was granted her maiden name back, which she used to sign off of the house loan. But she will sometimes use her maiden name and sometimes she'll use her married name. I told her she shouldn't do that. It could get her in the wrong trouble. Am I right, we live in Indiana. or is there a way to find out. Thanks
Hi Yvette. While the divorce decree provided an order for her to restore her maiden name, it doesn't happen automatically. It's not clear if she actually went through the process of legally changing her name back. As for getting in trouble, someone can get themselves in a fine mess if they're using different names to commit fraud or avoid debts. For legal documents, she should be using her legal name (whichever that is). When filling out government forms, job applications, taxes, use the legal name.
I've read through many of these comments and most, if not all are from ex-spouses deciding whether or not to change their names or if they'll run into trouble. I'm on the other end…the ex-husband. Our divorce decree states that " …wife, has requested that she shall have her former name of **** *** ******, restored to her." Although she may choose not to change her name back (after 20+ years), I cannot enforce this? This is not binding? I'm in California if this makes a difference. Thank you in advance.
It's not enforceable, nor is it binding. It just provides an option for your ex-wife to use, if she so chooses.
I have been legally divorced for over 20 years. The divorce decree didn't mention my maiden name of whether i could change it or not. I am remarried and am trying to get a school certification although when I got the same certification years ago it was in my ex married name. Now they are saying legally my name never changed but I'm remarried. They said i need to change my name legally through the courts and it will cost me $250.00. Is there any way around it? I'm very upset. I only have a certain amount of time to get my certification. Plz help
Hi Minerva. If you've remarried, and you've legally changed your name to your new married name, then your current name is your new married name. Your marriage certificate, not divorce decree, is the document you'd use to facilitate your name change.
I have read through all the comments and questions but didn't find the following senerio, I am going through a divorce and thought I would just change my last name back to my maiden name (Long) but hated that idea due to father issues. Then, I was thinking of changing my last name to just be my mothers maiden name (Greene). However, since I still have minor children could I do the following: change my last name to use married name (Gaddes) hyphened Mothers maiden name (Greene). It would look like this Gaddes-Greene. I hope this makes sense, thoughts?
Hi Kimberly. That would be at the discretion of the judge. You can put in the request and if it's denied you'll have to file a petition with the court.
My will is made for my daughter to inherit when I'm gone. She has divorced and reverted back to her maiden name. My will is in her married surname but no mention of her husband. Will she be able to claim her inheritance without me having to alter all of my will to accommodate the original surname. Iris
Yes, she will get inheritance, but may have to prove that she previously held the married name. Producing a certified copy of the marriage certificate should suffice.
hi I am dating a married guy and he is in the process of getting a divorce but the wife told him that she cannot change her married name back to her maiden name is she telling the truth and if she keeps his name will she be able to draw from his Social Security although they are divorced
During divorce proceedings a person can request their maiden name be restored. Such an instruction would be included in the divorce decree by the judge. It's up to the person to request it though.
Yes. The name is irrelevant.
Why would that anger you? When she took his name, he probably wanted her to have his last name. So why should she have take her maiden name again? He’s still married and you are dating him? That says a lot.
What does it say about me and my boyfriend that we didn't believe I had any moral ties to my abusive ex in the year and a half it took to divorce him after I had him removed from my home? That breakup occurred a few months before I got together with my boyfriend, but it wasn't until a couple of days ago that my county and state officially recognized it by changing my legal status to divorced. Why should that be the event that suddenly gives me "okay to date now" status? The only thing that mattered was that the relationship was over, I was emotionally healthy enough to start dating again, and I was honest with the guys I dated. And now I finally get to have my maiden name back! I don't care how much hassle it is; I can't get it changed quickly enough. :)
You had no moral ties. Sounds like you found this new guy during your marriage and was the reason you left. How did you have him removed what did he do. Why did it take a year an a half to divorce
Amen! Women that date married men are not worthy of comments on here or anywhere!
Hi! My mother-in-law's husband of 17 years passed away (they were separated for 10 years of that but never divorced). That was her third marriage. She changed her last name to her 2nd husbands last name, just because her youngest child (Who is a grown man) has that last name. Is this legal?
Yes, it is legal.
My husband and I have married each other twice and are now looking at our second divorce. (Ugh!) The first time we divorced, I kept his last name. This time around, I'd like to go back to my maiden name (after 24 years of having his last name). Our eldest daughter has already married and changed her last name and I expect the same will happen with our youngest daughter too. So, no need to keep it for the kids. Career/professional wise, it wouldn't be a hassle. They would probably expect me to speak Spanish, but that's another story. We own no property together. I would like a new start, even if my credit is still crappy haha. Just my two cents.
Hi Inadelle. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Same going scenario, except the Spanish part, going on here.
Amazing how similar
Hi! I wss married for 20+ yrs and I got divorced a year ago. On court I agreed to have my name changed back to maiden name but haven't change it yet. Could there be any problems if I decide not to change it ?
No. No problems.
On my divorce papers a name change (back to maiden name) was granted but I never got around to changing it on anything (drivers license, passport, ssi) . I'm getting married soon and was wondering if this will be a problem? Will I have to revert first to my maiden name?
Hi Jane. No, it won't cause you any problems. You don't have to do any intermediary name change.
I have almost the same question
I was granted my maiden name back through the court but decided to just keep my married last name. Our divorce was 2 years ago. Will I get charged or get in any trouble just keeping that last name and not going back to my maiden name??
No, you won't get into any trouble. You don't have to return to your maiden name if you've changed your mind and prefer to maintain your married name..
Valera, i have a question….I am divorced and have my divorced papers, I wasnt have to go to my hearing due to where i was residing in and didnt have a ride. On my Divorce papers it has as i am the defendant with my Name Renee Lynn Johnson Lane. okay, i want to know what i can do to go back to my maiden name as Renee Lynn Johnson. On my birth certificate is has Johnson and I have my High School Diploma with Johnson. How can I get my name back. The divorce was in 2003..
Hi Renee. Since your divorce decree doesn't have an order restoring your maiden name, you have two options: 1) Try to contact the court to get it amended, which would be unlikely, but worth an attempt, or 2) Petition the court for a name change, which is a surefire way to restore your maiden name.
I divorced 10 years ago and kept my ex-husbands last name since we have 2 children. They are older now and I want to change back to my maiden name. My divorce decree states that I was to keep my ex-husbands last name as I requested. I am not getting married. What can I do now about changing my name back?
Hi Jess. Since your divorce decree doesn't have an order to restore your maiden name, you will have to petition the court for a name change.
Wouldn't Jess also have the option of asking the County Clerk if it's possible for to restore her maiden name after entry of judgment?
No, the county clerk doesn't have the authority to do that. She could have asked the judge to amend the order, but that window of opportunity is typically only open for a short while after the divorce has been decreed final.
I kept my ex husbands last name for my kids(15 years now) Now they are grown and last daughter is getting married. I kept my last name as my middle name and have always signed everything that way.
I own real estate and a car, am so ready to change my name. Will I have to change everything at the same time or can I wait til things are sold?
Hi Dena. You can do it either way, as there shouldn't be a question of your identity.
If you divorce but choose to keep your marrie name (due to having kids and all) and remarry, will your name have to be hyphenated using your first married name-second married name?
Hi Tonya. If you choose to hyphenate, most states will allow maiden-second married name.
My aunt is divorced and has dual citizenship in the USA and overseas. She is required to prove that she is LEGALLY using her ex-husband's last name overseas, as her last name was never changed when she and my uncle divorced. Where can she go to get such proof? The court granting the divorce say they have no document to provide. Thanks for your help.
Hi Donnie. Are you saying she originally did change her name upon marriage and she chose to maintain her ex's name after divorce? Or are you saying she never changed her name to her husband's, and all her documents are still in her prior or maiden name?
hello i am suriena i for got to tell the lawyer that i want my madem i am divorce now is there any way i can take it back my madem name or no
suriena k davidson
Hi Suriena. Contact the Clerk of Court where you divorce was finalized. Ask if it's possible for you to restore your maiden name after entry of judgment. Even if your divorce is finalized. some courts have applications and procedures in place to restore a maiden name, even if you did not or forgot to explicitly request it during divorce proceedings.
My husbands ex wife married a Turk and took his name for some things but now she wants to go back to using my husbands name and of course we think it's wrong is there any law against it?
Hi Tracey. Unless there's any attempt to commit fraud or avoid debts, there's no law against it.
I married my wife and she wanted to keep her ex husband last name, for me that was totally out of the question, I told he if That was the case then go back to him I will have separations papers done done ASAP, yeah everyone has ther own opinion and mine is nope you take my last name or this will be a short marriage. I pay the bills I pay the health insurance so f*ck that change it or I will walk point blank.
Wow, that's mysogenistic… so what? You pay for stuff? Aren't you special? I can get being annoyed that she'd prefer to use her ex-husband's name to yours… but to give her an ultimatum: use your name and only your name (instead of maybe her maiden name, for example) or else?
That sounds like chauvinistic bullying and little more. As a woman, if my husband had made the same demand, my only response would have been. "Good riddance. Must have been a reason I didn't want to change it in the first place." Or, as the Internet would say, "Bye Felicia!"
Amen! If I had a do over I'd never have changed my name. The kids should have both names, It's the fairest option. We don't "belong" to our husbands, it is archaic and sexist I now realize. My whole professional career I've been married, we have kids and earned a doctorate so I'm exasperated that I may have to keep the name. We aren't even sure we want to divorce, but as I get older I questioned why I felt compelled to change my name and he refused to hyphenate like I did. Just sexist and irks me and that alone makes me want to change it back. I'm still not sure if changing back after over a decade of career and kids means I'm "stuck" but feels so :(