Reasons to Not Change Your Married Name after Divorce
If there's an issue so critical such as whether a woman will take her husband's last name after marriage, it's holding onto the last name or making a decision to drop it off after divorce. It's an issue that most divorced folks talk about, especially if the man keeps on complaining that the ex-wife has stuck to the name and has refused to drop it off even after remarrying.
Chances are that the two divorcees might not be seeing eye to eye, and apart from discussing their kids, if any; communication is minimized across the board. The man might end up being irritated that the ex-wife is still using his name. Just like anything about divorce being legal, the question in most people's minds is whether there are guidelines about this.
However, this does not stop at the divorce level. There are men who might be wondering why the women they have married have refused to drop their last name from a previous marriage. While it might not seem right to some men, sticking to a last name does not really mean the woman is holding on to hopes of remarrying her ex.
Love is not involved in keeping a last name or even a maiden name, in particular if an acrimonious divorce was involved. There are newlyweds who are deeply in love but decide to maintain their own names for all kinds of reasons. And deeply happy divorcees who refuse to drop their ex's last names for all kinds of reasons.
It is worth noting that after divorce you cannot force an ex-wife to drop her last name except perhaps politely requesting her to do it. Whatever she decides is no longer your business.
As such, there are many reasons you might choose to keep your married name after divorce.
Consistent identity
If a woman keeps the last name of her ex she came to hate and reminds her of a painful part of her past life, it must be really worth it. Maintaining a consistent identity is one of the reasons why women justify holding on to their ex's last name.
If people had known the woman by that name for over a decade, it makes every sense to stick on to it. At the same time, it's possible that all the academic papers, such as degrees and diplomas earned while still married, were provided with the last name.
It is also clear that, professionally, clients and business contacts might be knowing you as Mrs. X and dropping that might bring another whole set of complications.
For instance, Tina Turner in 1978 refused to change her last name after establishing herself, career-wise, with the last name of her husband and keeping it after 13 years of marriage made a lot of sense. Some women believe their time in a past marriage, their investment and input has earned them the name and must be kept.
Children
Children are perhaps the main reason why any mother will maintain a last name after divorce. Any broken marriage that has children might compel the mother to maintain the last name of an ex or a dead husband.
Most women cite their children as the reason why they still hold on to the last name since it means they will have the same name as their kids. For some mothers, even a new child in the new marriage ends up with a hyphenated surname combining the last name of the ex with the last name of the new baby's father.
At the end of the day, everyone ends up with the last name of the ex.
Changing the last name back is a hassle
Women who have divorced and would like to have a sense of their own identity and forget the man who brought a lot of pain in their lives simply seek to have the last name dropped. However, it becomes clear the hassle involved in changing everything is a tall order, potentially expensive, and a long process, especially if changing her maiden name and transforming other items to reflect her married status took a lot of trouble and money.
It means that if you decide to revert to your maiden name you have to remove the last name from your banking information, driver's license, social security card, passport, and any other document with the ex's last name. If anyone has gone through this before, the reality of going through it again might be reason enough to stick with the ex's last name.
Prestigious name
It goes without saying, a prestigious name is just that: prestigious. If you were married to the Kennedy's, Presley's, or any Royal family you already know you have a famous name that can open many doors.
It is an esteemed name with a lot of benefits and dropping it off for a normal name that doesn't click anything in the mind once mentioned might not seem very wise. This is why women who have been married to famous people, celebrities, kings, millionaires, and presidents, among others, might not let the name go.
Business reasons
At times, married couples establish so many business relationships using the last name of the husband. Since no one can foresee a future where both of them are separated, it seems logical to support such a decision where the family name establishes businesses.
However, in case of a divorce, it makes a lot of sense to maintain the last name of the ex if an established company that has reverted to the ex-wife bears his last name. Companies would lose their standing and good business damaged if the name were to be changed.
At the same time, if the customers and business partners know the ex-wife better with the last name of the ex-husband, it makes a lot of sense to maintain that name. Although there are ways to change your name while keeping the business name intact, such as registering a DBA.
Impossible to let go of former lives
There are times when the woman is not the one who asked for a divorce. She might find it hard for various reasons to just let the last name of the ex go. Chances are she might be emotionally attached and still have feelings for the ex and since no one really knows the future, she might decide to stick with it.
There are cases where the divorce was done in an honest and kind manner and both parties were friendly right through the emotionally wrecking process. At such a case, it might be hard for the woman who did not go through a spiteful separation to just drop her last name, especially if the ex was considerate enough to end the marriage with more than she bargained for.
Fun, unique and exciting
Women have been found to keep their ex's last name for all kinds of reasons. Some women claim that going to their maiden name is a no-no because they did not like their father's to begin with, particularly those whose dads were estranged, drunkards, and always absent in virtually all their lives. To such women, the ex's last name is a better prospect, particularly if the divorce was not rancorous. The ex's last name can also be unique, exotic and more fun.
Your last name as the first name
At times, even if you want to change your last name, circumstances might force you to stick with it. Apart from keeping the last name for the sake of the kids, business, or how exotic and fun it sounds, there are those who might have another reason.
For example, a woman in the military may find it easier to stick to their last name because the first name is the last name. You are known by your last name and it's your identity. Dropping it might mean changing your life completely, yet unless you leave the military and the country, your colleagues in the military may always refer to you by your last name.
No matter the reason you have for sticking with your ex's last name, it is your right under the law. There are also places where you have to indicate in a divorce decree whether you are keeping the married name or not.
I have kept an ex's last name, but ONLY because there was a child involved… I personally believe that's the only case a woman should even consider keeping an ex's last name until getting remarried.
Hi Angel. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the subject.
I'm the new woman in a man's life where his ex thinks the same way keeping it because there is a kid involved well now if we get married I don't want his name and it seems like she is keeping it just out of spite since it ended so badly it's nice you think to change it when you remarry but what about the new woman in his life. I want to be the only woman with my husband's last name. Feels a bit hurt by her actions to keep a name. I also think if he wanted her to keep it then that would be a different story but he really doesn't want to have a lady who cheated going around with his name even if their child had his name. Guess I have to hope she remarries before we do. Doesn't seem fair
Nan, in this whole statement did you think about how the child would feel? If she gets remarried, she might not change it. Also you mentioned you wanted to be the only woman with your husband's last name… Is his mother allowed to keep it? You sound like a spoiled brat and in no way shape or form ready for marriage. FYI life is not fair, you might want to get used to that.
I am going to be divorcing my second husband, at his request because he has been having an affair and wants a divorce. We have been married almost 17 years but he has never like the idea of a woman keeping her husbands name when there is a divorce. My first husband passed away during our marriage, we were not divorced. Would it be proper to hyphenate my maiden name with my first husbands name or would it be better to just take my maiden name back?
Hi Jill. If that's what you'd prefer, then there's certainly nothing wrong with that. During divorce proceedings you can request the judge include an order to have a hyphenated version of your first husband's name in place. It's not assured anything other than your maiden name will be granted, but you can request it nonetheless.
Who cares what he wants at this point. Right? He had an affair on you. Clearly he did not consider your feelings.
My sister married a guy for a couple of years, then divorced him because he was "abusive." They had no children. Now, decades later, she is still going by his surname. I don't get it! The only theory I can come up with is that our childhood was so bad she doesn't want to go back to that name. However, I am estranged from our family of origin and she is in pretty tight with them. Again, none of this makes sense to me.
BTW, I have had a legal name change. It is NOT that big of a deal. All these folks whining about how it's such a hassle, etc… I suppose if you own a lot of property and/or businesses it would be a pain, but for the average person it is not such a huge thing!
Can I use my new husband's last name as my informal name but still keep my ex-husband's last name as my legal name?
Hi Nylecoj. Yes, absolutely you can.
That is a great thing to do you keep it informal. I work for the federal government and to change my name on everything that I do would be an extreme hassle. My new husband understands this and I go by his last name informally but legally have chosen to keep my ex-husband's last name who doesn't have a problem with that either
How does it affect my credit score, and credit cards, if I went back to my maiden name?
Hi Mary Jane. Going back to your maiden name won't affect your credit score. Name change notifications automatically bubble up to the credit bureaus without your needing to do anything. If you were to pull your credit report, you'll see the different names tied to your identity. This even includes misspellings. This is to make sure your credit history is fully accounted for.
Hi, I've used my first husbands last name, after we divorced i never dropped his name.when i remarried the officiant used my name as it was on my drivers license to indicate under brides name…on the next line he had to indicate birthnames..
He did ,and next my new last name . ..Now that I need to aquire a new birth certificate I'm having the hardest time .They have many questions and need proof of how I went from one name to another? How can I proof this and what paper work do I need ?
Hi Rosario. You can provide documents showing your name change transition. Your original birth certificate documenting your maiden name. The marriage certificate from your first marriage documenting your name change. Your new marriage certificate showing your new name. They should provide you with a documented list of acceptable identity documents, and not leave it up to you to guess.
I'm remarried and have my husband's last name– I seriously hate the name nd am referred by my former husband's name. Is it possible to go back to it, as well as family unity with my kids?!
Yes, you can. But you'll have to petition the court to do so.
A judge Awarded me back my Last name of Yuille when I divorced mr Leckington. but I was in a Half way house so they said no cause I was a ward of state, then I got out of half way house on parole they said no cause I was still a ward of state . Now I am not a ward of state but am told I only had 2 years to get name change done, Is there andyone that can help me I dont have money to do all this and I will be going back to school and would like my Yuille name back,
Hi Sandra. I'm not sure who you're referring to when you reference being told no. If your divorce decree restored your maiden name, then you'll need to get a certified copy of it to change your name with the SSA, DMV, etc.
i think my x kept my last name just to irritate me. she said everyone knows her by my last name which doesnt make any sense because she went back to where she lived before we even knew each other.
she was threatning to divorce me if i didnt knock down the legal separation. she gave me 3 weeks. i told my counselor to tell her dont bother waiting threee weeks she can start the divorce right away
i was more less totally ignored for the last 5 years of our marriage so when she left it solved my problem.
she was gone out witht her friends so much i didnt feel hardly any loss. plus i found out who my real friends were and it wasnt any of the people she drank and threw darts with on friday nite. come home sometime before daylight be hug over saturday go sew with her friends on sunday ..not to menton going to so and so house for an hour then be gone till midnight. she was trying to get to go out for lunch with her after wed worked out the divorce at a mediation session at the court how crazy is that/
then of course calling me from 1800 hundred miles away to see what temperature thermostat was i the car she took . how stupid is that a mechanic can figure it oout by taking it out and putting a hotter one in. i told her if it was to cold get some cardboard and block off part of the radiator.
i finally woke up 3 years ago (17 years after the divorce) my life is done im 61 years old got fibromyalgia and diabetes. the cardiologist says he thinks i had a heart attack at some point in my life
its not so much i try to avoid women life and work took alot of time so now all i got to do is wait to go. i told her id wasted the best part of my life on her and this is what i get. she tells me to never talk to her agin which is funny because shed call me from `1800 miles away to talk after the divorce. i found out in about 20 minutes that her friends were still the most improtant part of her life. i was under the idea that her husband come first but not with her . everybody else then me is the way it went. so i just adopted that as how it is and its worked pretty good .,relationship is at the bottom of the list of prioritys for me now. ive been totally disabled for so long i cant remember when i worked the last time i worked. if i had satellite tv id be almost 100 percent happy .
This article is so true! I kept my married name because of my children and I like it and my father isn't in my life. Plus my most recent child has my ex name too because it's OUR name now and we love it!
I have many that argue be cause my name is my exhbs but its can my name for 24 years and she I had my youngest her father was t in the picture so I gave her my last name it they always say it's not even my name and I'm the one in the wrong. It's so frustrating.
I was thinking of having a new husband's name as a middle name and keeping ex husband's surname due to that being my children's surname. Could I do that via the new marriage certificate or would it have to be deed poll as it's not my new husband's name? Would it be simpler to add on new husband's name after my ex's surname instead?
Hi Alice. Replacing your middle name with your spouse's surname isn't a viable option unless you go the court petition route.
We're you allowed or are you allowed to keep your ex husbands name and add on the new husbands name afterwards? It's been a struggle for me, but I've went by my ex husbands name for sooo long & honestly don't want to change it, & it has nothing to do with any feelings for my ex; haven't spoken to him in nearly 15 years; but I have adapted to this as my name for over a decade & do not want to let that go. Hard enough to get used to another add on name!
Alice was referring to using her husband's name as a middle name. Are you looking to do the same or similar? What's permitted depends on the state, which part of your name you're trying to change, and what name you're looking to replace or append.
You don't have to change your name from your ex's regardless of what you're currently dealing with, be it remarriage, separation, or divorce.
After my mother and father divorced, she used the name Mrs. Maddox Shepherd. Maddox was her maiden name; Shepherd was her married name. She cited a custom for women after divorce to use a new name made up this way — maiden name and married name. Do you know any documentaion for such a custom? (That custom would have been hard to follow if her maiden name had been, say, Good or German.)
Hi Ted. There's a tradition where some parents intentionally don't specify a middle name for their girls, as it's assumed it'll be dropped and replaced for their maiden name upon marriage. I've not heard much about divorcees doing the same thing. A change such as the one your mother achieved would require a judge agreeing to it during divorce proceedings.
During the divorce process, most states will typically allow the restoration of a maiden or prior name, while changes to a non-previous middle name aren't guaranteed to be accepted. That's why maiden to middle is more commonly known, due to the ease of which it can be adopted upon marriage.
Can I just say that these arguments can also be used to justify why you shouldn't change your name when you get married to begin with? Just switch the jargon and it makes sense. Ah, archaic rituals.
Mm, I don't think so entirely due to the complication of remarrying when you already have children.
I was not given a middle name at birth so I have always used my maiden name as a middle name. I have been married twice (and divorced twice) and each time I married I took my husband's last name and kept using it until I married the next husband. I am getting married again and will change my name to my future husband's last name. Will that then be my legal name?
Yes, that will be your new legal name.
Hope this one is the charm. If not. Gurl bye
Can I keep my hyphenated maiden-married name when I divorce and then add a new name to those if I remarry?
I want to keep my current maiden and married last name when l divorce and legally add my new husbands name. Is this possible somehow?
Hi Tameka. Sure, there shouldn't be an issue with that.
Thank you so very much for the advice, this is my first marriage as well as divorce.
I was born in Canada and living in British Columbia. I married a Swiss man, in Switzerland, where I resided for the past 6 years. I have now returned to Canada and am waiting for a divorce to go through. I have tried to get my BC driver's license reissued, but even with my old BC license, birth certificate, and old passports in my maiden name, plus a new passport in my new name, several papers indicating both my names, including a copy of my marriage certificate, the unsigned divorce papers issued from the Swiss court (in German), and a notarized paper from a lawyer in BC, requested by the Swiss court re: the divorce (in English), they still want the original Marriage certificate, certified and translated into English.
As I understand it, I can go back to my maiden name at any time, so can I get my driver's license issued with a birth certificate and then change everything back to my maiden name from there, or will I still need the original marriage certificate. I would have to change it at the credit union, on my passport, and my RRSPs. I don't have any credit cards, house or car.
I appreciate any advice you can give me.
Sherri
In order to fulfill BC's request, have you attempted to order a certified copy of your marriage certificate from the Switzerland civil status office?
You'll need to hire a certified translator to translate your marriage certificate to English. The translator will need to provide you an "Affidavit of Translation."
You won't need the original marriage certificate. You'll need a certified copy. That or a divorce certificate, which is not yet available as it hasn't been finalized.
I am divorced and would like to change all of my professional documents etc. to my married name. But I do not know what my legal name actually is! It is urgent that I find out, as I am completing my will and need to use my legal name. Neither my ex-husband nor I can locate our marriage license. What should I do to find out, and hopefully be able to use my married name legally?
thanks,
paula
Hi Paula. If you've never changed your name before, locate your birth certificate for your name. If you can't find it, you can order a certified copy from your local vital records office. Alternatively, locate your social security card for the name that's on there. That would be the name you'd go by.
If you A) can't find your social security card, or B) have previously undergone a name change, try contacting your local social security administration office about the name that's on your identity record. If necessary, you can submit an application for a replacement card.
Did you even understand her question? She is no longer married to the person whose surname she hope to assume. Is that even legal? It looks like fraud to me.
Hi Ericka. She was asking about how to identify her legal name, which was answered.
If she was married to him and took his last name that is her legal name regardless of divorce. Just because you are divorced does not make it fraud to continue to use his last name. Sounds like she is unsure of how her name is written on marriage certificate.