Signs Your Marriage Needs Help
One of the most disturbing statistics among married people is that nearly half of all marriage unions end in divorce. Being a statistic is not something any couple wants to be and no one marries to divorce at a later stage. However, a marriage that is about to end or facing serious problems always has indicators.
If you paid enough attention, you might seize the moment and save your solemn union. This might require agreeing you need help and taking a serious look inwards to confront the unpleasant realities of your marriage and digging really deep to salvage it when you have time. Here are indicators and signs your marriage requires help.
Not as loving as before
One of the signs your marriage needs help and some work is the feeling that you are more like roommates and not lovers. Your best friend in life should be your wife or husband, but the bond existing between you needs to be stronger than that. A feeling you are not really sharing anything special and a life at that should indicate you need to go back to things that made you lovers in the beginning and start over. It might require counseling, a date in the first restaurant you ate together, or the place you proposed to her. No matter what you do, the bottom-line is your marriage needs help.
No resolution on arguments
Every marriage has issues that commonly lead to an argument, from money, parenting, and relatives, to household duties, among others. Couples who don't argue are living in a house made of bread crumbs and could fall apart any moment. Couples who have lived for decades together and happily married have always quarreled about one thing or the other and this is normal.
Problematic arguments creep in when squabbles lead to physical confrontations, remain unresolved and personal. A couple incapable of resolving hot issues in their union strain their relationship. Refusal to compromise or give some ground will lead the marriage to trouble and you need help now rather than later.
Fierce money fights
Normal arguments about money mostly center on savings and spending. However, serious fights about money indicate an underlying problem that could destroy any marriage due to the emotional attachment we all have towards money. The important thing is realizing when money is becoming a very huge issue, breaking into a serious argument and chronic confrontation. Seek help or work towards accepting your attitudes towards money, which are always different and in case of any argument, your marriage bond must always remain intact. There is always a middle ground in everything; leads to a solution that strengthens your bond and leaves everyone content.
Anytime a spouse feels resentful the relationship could be in trouble. Resentment has a way of taking charge of a bond since it grows to a level where one of the spouses becomes apathetic and refuses to give the relationship the sacrifice it needs. If you sense resentment in the way you approach your marriage, take time to identify why and what is igniting the pain you feel and how you can change things. Working through pain and strong feelings is not always easy but focusing on the larger picture will help you see things differently and change your marriage for the better.
Depression could lead your marriage in trouble. Seek the help of a marriage counselor if you feel depressed and hurt. Remember marriage therapists have diverse backgrounds, professionally and personally, and have been trained to help you reach the best resolution possible for your marriage woes. Depression could eat you up psychologically while too much self pity will lead you into a path of no return. If you notice any sign of depression it's time to seek help.
Behavior of your children
Sometimes children can open your eyes to see how your marriage is collapsing without your knowledge. The behavior of your kids can be a good indicator of what is happening at home. A couple can think their marriage is alright, and the interaction level is satisfactory, but your kids could sense when things are going wrong. Kids react to marriage problems by exhibiting atypical behavior by acting abnormally at home, school or around their friends. If there are teenagers in the marriage, they might engage in negative activities and behavior. Abnormal child behavior should be an indicator that something in your marriage is not well.
Emotional support lacking
In most cases, couples find emotions as obstacles in their union. A spouse, particularly the husband might see the emotions of the wife as unhelpful, irrational and unwanted. It might also be hard for a partner in the marriage to understand why the other spouse feels a certain way. Know that a marriage requires emotions to be shared; they not only prioritize but organize our lives as well. Any reason for emotional disengagement will bring serious problems in the union.
Lack of clear intimacy
Sometimes a couple can be way too busy with the chaos of life to a point of forgetting the importance of showing the spouse he or she is still loved and needed. A spouse could assume the wife knows how he feels about her or take it for granted that she already knows she is loved. If the feelings remain unspoken and unsaid far too long, they turn out to be something major and will be put across in a thousand negative ways. The important thing is sharing vulnerability, intimacy and depending on one another; hitherto the relationship could lose its flavor.
Every married person knows the success of a relationship highly depends on communication. If a couple stops communicating or abdicates their main channel of communication the partnership will be threatened. Lack of proper marital communication varies and sometimes understandable, for instance if both spouses are very busy. Sometimes there might be an elephant in the room and if unaddressed the repercussions will shake up the marriage. Ensure you are always talking and there are no distractions when doing so.
Above all, if you feel something is amiss in your marriage and things are not as they were in the beginning you must find out what's wrong. Mend disagreements when you can and seek the help of a qualified marriage counselor if you don't want to lose your solemn partnership.