Hyphenating Your Last Name After Marriage: Pros and Cons
Do you plan to hyphenate your last name after marriage? There's a vast array of name change factors that could impact your decision, beyond "does it sound good?"
This article will outline the pros and cons of hyphenating your last name, making the best choice for you and your spouse, and updating legal documents and identification cards.
The calm before the name change storm
Congratulations on tying the knot. You're in for… okay, we can't lie. While marriage is great, the wedding planning journey can overload your stress markers.
Of course, you must step back, take time to apply for your marriage license, and then determine whether it's even worth changing your last name after marriage.
Welcome to this brief hyphenated surname guide that will explain:
- What is hyphenation?
- Is it a good idea?
- Is it disrespectful?
- Will it impact your kids?
- How to legally hyphenate your name?
When the bourgeois reigned supreme
Onetime, it was normal to expect a wife to take her husband's last name; abandoning her original name altogether.
Polite society saw the act of keeping her maiden name taboo. Eyebrows raised straight off their faces. Shocked to discover the bride dared consider such a radical act.
But times and culture have evolved. Today, more women are deciding to keep their original names, in one form or another, and it's met with far less hostility.
Nostalgia, family, and keeping the peace
There are many reasons to keep your last name in play. (Your family legacy, for one.) Here's hoping you have a supportive partner who understands why this approach appeals to you.
Still, the personal choice to retain your birth name may cause concern. Even if your spouse is okay with it, your in-laws might give you grief about your pick. (Your own family too.)
The naysayers—silent, gossipy, and vocal—may declare, "How dare you commit the selfish act of retaining your original identity after marriage?" What about the next generation?
But is there a win-win pathway? Yes, of course…
Ready, set, compromise
There are several decent ways to compromise on the whole "you wanting to keep your name and your spouse hating the idea" problem.
1. Create a different name
Many couples decide to invent a new last name to share, creating a unique identity together. By doing so, they tackle the legalities of the name change process together.
Do you prefer to fabricate a brand new family name without precedent? Then you may have to file a court petition for a court ordered name change.
2. Hyphenate: the happy medium
The most popular compromise is to hyphenate your last name and your spouse's last name. This allows you to keep using your own surname while adopting your spouse's surname.
What is a hyphenated name?
A hyphenated name is when you join two last names with a hyphen (-). It's also known as a double surname. For example, Ms. Hall marries Mr. Miller to become Mrs. Hall-Miller.
Two last names vs. a hyphen
You shouldn't conflate hyphenating with a double-barreled surname, which has no hyphen and is more associated with using a space to separate surnames.
A hyphenated name is considered one last name, not two separate, independent names to be switched back and forth on a whim.
For instance, when alphabetizing a hyphenated name, the first part comes first. For a space-separated, double-barreled name, the last part would come first.
The hyphen makes it obvious for most people that you have two names, avoiding the confusing error of mistaking part of your last name for another segment.
Is hyphenation even legal?
Name change through hyphenation is legal. It's valid as taking your partner's last name as-is. It's no more or less lawful than any other name change through marriage.
Federal and state agencies will accept your new hyphenated name after marriage, from the social security office and passport agencies to motor vehicle departments.
Which last name goes first when hyphenating?
Either you or your spouse's surname can come first or last when you hyphenate last names. And you should always capitalize both names in a hyphenated last name.
There's no hyphenation law or rule. But whoever opts to hyphenate their name will more often than not spell their last name first. Still, you don't have to follow this custom.
For example, if Adrian Brown marries Drew Davis, the hyphenated last name could be Brown-Davis or Davis-Brown. It's up to you whose name comes first or last.
If your partner is hyphenating too, they can sync their last name sequence to equal yours, or reverse it. It's unorthodox, yet okay to have different last names.
Pros! Why is hyphenation a good thing?
Compromise is the biggest reason so many people choose to hyphenate their names. You keep your identity while you honor your commitment to your new spouse.
1. Guarding achievements
Hyphenating your name is a great way to stay connected with what you've accomplished in life before getting married. (There goes the win-win we alluded to earlier.)
For example, many people choose to hyphenate their names because they've earned higher educational degrees and certifications under their maiden names.
They want their identities associated with work they've published or publicized. Losing or obscuring years of recognition for a change of name is an avoidable sacrifice.
The same logic applies to men who take their wives' names and same-sex couples. Sustaining your individuality and title is an understandable pursuit.
2. Bucking tradition
You can take your spouse's surname as-is, or you could hyphenate it. There's no compelling reason to avoid two names, other than convention.
While name change traditions may be hard to break, they're not:
- Rooted in good sense
- Based on any legal rationale, or
- Beyond what people have just done by default
3. Linking your personal and professional identity
A giant reason to consider hyphenation is to preserve your profile in your community—the persona you've spent your whole life building.
Hyphenation can help bridge the gap between your personal and professional life. Providing an off-ramp if you're wary of giving up your accomplishments and name.
Further, hyphenating makes it easier for friends, family, and colleagues to transition to your newfound name since they'll have something familiar to latch onto.
Whether you're a doctor, lawyer, nurse, or other professional, name recognition among your peers and community is important, and a hyphenated last name helps sustain awareness.
Cons! Why might hyphenation be a bad thing?
"I wish someone had told me these problems could've happened after hyphenating," is a huge pain worth avoiding by considering the following potential shortcomings.
1. Outdated, legacy software and computer systems
Hyphenated names are harder for computers to handle. Deficient software may not recognize the hyphen as an accepted special character when you input personal information.
Apps and databases may choke—by intentional or flawed design—on non-alphabetic characters. If flexible, their character sets will allow apostrophes, hyphens, and accents.
This means you'd have to drop the hyphen or replace it with a space. Such name inconsistency can cause trouble later.
Caution: Agencies may drop your hyphen without warning; even merging your two last names into one whole word instead of using a space separator.
2. Lanky, tongue-twister combination
Hyphenated last names are longer. (No kidding!) They get unwieldy if you and your spouse's surnames are already long. It could be a handful to write and a mouthful to pronounce.
You might run out of space filling out online forms that set max lengths. And paper forms too. Chiefly form fields with restrictive, compartmentalized boxes.
3. Complainers, misogynists, and zealots
If outside opinions matter to you, know that large swaths of today's society consider hyphenated names annoying or snobby.
Traditionalists believe that not accepting your spouse's last name alone (especially husband and wife) is an enormous sign of contempt and a lack of commitment.
Suddenly, self-appointed linguists and spelling bee experts are eager to debate how to address you by your new last name, as if inconveniencing them were your life's mission.
4. Angry, old-school spouse
Your spouse might consider hyphenation disrespectful. Orthodox or conservative views may believe it's "right" for a woman to take her husband's name; even if she feels otherwise.
Whether your spouse insists on your legally adopting their current last name throws a red flag or not, it's still something you should take into consideration.
5. Negative effect on children
Here's a common worry among parents:
- I'm hyphenated.
- My children are unhyphenated.
- Will they get confused, frustrated, or embarrassed?
Kids with hyphenated names might become flummoxed or self-conscious when they're older and start making friends whose names aren't hyphenated.
And what happens if your son or daughter grows up and marries someone with a hyphen in their name? Will they face the prospect of hyphens atop hyphens?
How do you hyphenate a married name?
Deciding to hyphenate your name is one thing. Applying it to your new social security card, driver's license, and official paperwork is another. Learning "how to" is your next step…
- Apply for your marriage license.
- Get married.
- Get your marriage certificate.
- Notify the Social Security Administration, DMV, etc.
When applying to marry, the marriage license application may ask for your new name after marriage. Fill it in so it'll show up on your marriage certificate.
If the marriage form didn't have a spot for a new name, your marriage certificate is still usable. If you're unsure, a missing married name on your certificate could jam you.
When you get a certified copy of your marriage certificate, start by changing the name on your social security card. Then update your driver's license (or REAL ID) and passport.
And don't forget to update your:
- Doctor's office
- School
- Diplomas
- Professional licenses
- Customers and clients
- Memberships
- Employers
- Utilities
- Social media profiles
- Voter registration
- Bank accounts
- Credit cards
- Among other records
If you're hyphenating and moving, submit a USPS change of address in both your pre-marriage name and hyphenated name to avoid lost mail.
Alternatives to hyphenation
Are you decided on name change, but not 100% on hyphenation? Here are a few alternative name change options to consider.
1. No name change
If you're not sure that hyphenation—or any other name shift—fits your profile, name change may not be right for you. You can keep your maiden name as your legal name.
There's no right or wrong answer, whatever you decide. It's better to wait and be correct, then rush and panic to undo your legal name change.
2. Take your spouse's name
You can go the traditional route and simply replace your last name with your spouse's last name, which is the default choice for most women.
Taking your mate's surname alone remains the reigning name change champ. It's a good, sober choice, in no danger of being dethroned.
3. Maiden name to middle name
Replacing your middle name with your maiden name is a popular choice and a great substitute for hyphenating your name; the end results are very similar.
It keeps your last name active while evading many of the pitfalls of hyphenation. But you'd have to ditch your current middle name, which could be tough to surrender.
4. Continue using your maiden name socially
There's nothing stopping you from changing your name while still using your maiden name on an informal or professional basis. You could even DBA your current name.
It's not the name you'd use to sign legal documents, tax filings, or job applications; those demand your true legal name. But amongst family, pals, and coworkers, where's the harm?
In conclusion (or what it all boils down to!)
There are private and professional reasons to weigh when hyphenating your last name. The question is whether you're willing to compromise beyond your original last name.
Hyphenation epitomizes compromise, where both sides prevail in the tug of war over whose last name will carry on for future generations.
Lucky for you, we can help streamline your name change after marriage. Our online name change kit, from forms to step-by-step guidance, make the process a breeze.
Wishing you a seamless name change journey ahead!
I got married in August and on my marriage certificate I said I was going to take my husband's name. I was planning to move my maiden name to my middle name but have learned it is not allowed by marriage in my state. I haven't gone through the process of legally changing my name yet (for my SS card, passport, license, etc.) as I just received a copy of my marriage certificate. Is it possible to hyphenate (maiden name-married name) for my SS card, passport, license, etc. even though my marriage certificate says my new surname will just be my husband's surname?
Hi Paige. Yes, you can hyphenate.
I got divorced 10 years ago but kept my married name because we had a child. Fast forward a few years, and now I have a child with my future husband, whose last name is his. When I get married I want to take my husband's name, but my oldest child is a little upset. If I keep both names, and don't hyphenate, do I always have to sign everything with two names? Or can I just use my old name when dealing with school things that have to do with my first child? Thanks!
It depends on what you're signing. If it's a legal-based document, then you'll sign both names.
Hi Valera,
I hope this will all make sense… and thank you in advance for your advice and help.
My partner is American from birth and British by naturalisation, I'm a French citizen. We are residing in the UK and will be getting married by the end of the year before moving back to the US early next year.
The UK marriage form or certificate doesn't ask us to state "the name after we are getting married".
Therefore, our birth name is our legal name :) — I know stating the obvious…
The status on allowing hyphenation after marriage is inconsistent in the UK and to make it acknowledgeable by all UK organizations is best to you go through a change of name deed which is time consuming and will be slowing down our moving process.
Since, there is no time limit to perform the name change nor this is a mandatory process post marriage. We were thinking of keeping our legal name in the UK but showing the change in the French and the American sides.
* Do you foresee any problems? We will still be married under the British law but just never change our names from X or Y to X-Y.
In France, the process seems straightforward …
To amend and hyphenate our names (X-Y) which will show on legal documentation, I just need to show our marriage certificate.
The way that French law sees it, is that my legal name is still Y and my "every day name" will be X-Y which will be shown on my french passport or ID card etc.
By the sound of it on the US embassy in the UK, the process seems similar.
* Is it correct? My partner will just have to present the certificate of marriage and ask for name change from X to X-Y.
Now, because there is no time limit to perform the name change.
* Would you recommend that we both make the change of name at the same time to avoid any confusion when we move back to the US e.g. my passport shows X-Y but my partner only X due to time constraint when we move to the US?
* Or it doesn’t really matter as far as we can justify the name change if inquired by showing our marriage certificate.
* Let’s say we wait until we move to the US to change our name to X-Y.
* Would it be problematic if my green card states Y when I enter the US and later my passport is changed to X-Y?
* Or Maybe it would just be a matter to update my name on my green card?
There are of course other options such as:
* Performing a change of name deed in the UK which hopefully will be recognized by the US organizations as well so all 3 countries are in synch.
* Getting married again in the US hence being able to fill out “ name after getting married” :)
Hope this makes sense and Thanks for your answers :)
Problems in a particular country or internationally? However you choose to navigate this terrain, just make sure you're following each country's procedures.
It would be a good idea to consult with your embassy. The name you change to will be your one and only legal name.
The marriage certificate provides proof of marriage which facilitates a name change. You'll have to provide that document.
You can, although, most likely, it doesn't matter.
Agreed.
You should update your green card to reflect your name change, regardless of what you ultimately choose to do with your passport.
Agreed.
That would work. It would be recognized.
I got married in march of this year and around july I final got around to changing my name. I dropped my maiden name because I wanted to keep my middle name and adopted my married name. Now I have changed my mind and want to use my maiden name as my middle name. I am in Alabama is there a separate procedure for this or do I just do back down to the social security office to change it?
Hi Monique. You'll have to petition the court for the name change, then return to the social security office.
I'm not married yet. I am with a guy and were having a child together. I already have a son who has made it clear he wants to keep our last name, but wants to hyphanate potential husbands last name then his. I said I wanted to do the same for myself and this child. He is upset that I'm not just taking his last name and for our child, however he said he would be "ok" if it was my last name then his. I said I wanted it the other way so that we match my son. I don't want us all to look disorganized. Am I wrong for wanting this? I said myself and baby will go by just his last name but legally be his-mine. I don't want my son to feel like he has to change his if he doesn't completely want to, but I still want that connection to him and my family.
Hi Lola. There's no wrong or right. It's just a matter of what you can live with and prefer. It's a personal choice where you'll have the final say.
I am not happy with my hyphenated 2 last names. I am wondering how to get my name changed to just my last marriage. I was a widow and wanted to show respect to my 2 boys and late husband's family but it confuses people and is a hassle. And my new husband is offended by it.
Hi Peggy. If your hyphenated last name includes your current husband's surname, then you'll need to petition the court to change it again. If your hyphenated name was already established prior to your current marriage, then you can undergo a basic marriage-related name change procedure (similar process to your original hyphenated name change).
A lady friend's ex-husband suddenly starts sending spousal support checks under her maiden name to make it impossible to cash the check. Should she hyphenate her name in order to cash the check? If she returns to maiden name, he could then make the check to her married name again – this game would go on and on. Please help!
That's a pretty drastic measure, which likely wouldn't work anyway (as you pointed out). Your friend may want to have a talk with her bank and request that they allow the checks to be cashed in her maiden name. She can provide proof that she's the proper recipient whom the checks are intended for.
Hi Valera,
I got married about two years ago in Texas, few days ago I changed my last name and hyphen my maiden and married name Erika middle Soliz-jones, Soliz is my maiden name and jones is my married name. I do not want the hyphen anymore. 1) is it too late to changed it? 2) Can I do (erika first name) (middle name) ( Soliz jones last name)? 3) Can you have two last names in the state of Texas? 4) Do I always need to write/used both last names on everything? 5) Can I write/used jones only but keep both last names? If ss and DL lets me removed the hyphen. Or can I moved my maiden name with my middle name (erika first name) (LuciaSoliz middle name) (jones last name)? If I could do this, Do I need to always write both middle names on everything? Can I do Erika L. Jones? Please help!! I am having a baby in few weeks and I do not want any confusion at the hospital with the names!
Since you've already changed it, you'll have to petition the court to change it again.
Yes, if you complete answer #1.
You'll have to use your full last name on legal documents.
You can change your middle name along with your last name when going through your court petitioned name change.
Depends on the document. For legal-based paperwork it's advisable to write out your full name if it's explicitly requested. If it doesn't, use your best judgment.
Hi, I'm currently in the process of getting my citizenship I am hyphenating my name so how does it go? my son has it (name husband's last name hyphen my last name, I wanted to do just like his so there be no confusion but is there a way it suppose to go I just don't want confusion to where which last name goes first?
Hi Bes. There's no right or wrong. This is a personal decision you'll have to make amongst yourselves.
I have a hyphenated last name, which was my fathers, his father, his father and the father before that who started the last name.The last name is Brock-Jones, I won't bore you with the details of how it came to be but I like having a unique and different last name; however, that said most of America does not understand hyphenated last names.
I would caution any person even contemplating hyphenating their name “don't." Most computer programs will now accept a hyphen, but go to a Wal-Mart to get your prescription with a double-barrel last name and the minimum wage clerk will tell you it's not ready. They just don't understand where to look, or what letter of the alphabet it should be filed under. They don't know that it should be filed under the first letter of the first name and not the first letter of the second name.
I don't mean to pick on Wal-Mart, the same thing happens at dry cleaners, film processors, etc. I have been living with my hyphenated last name for 63 years, I move around a lot and constantly have to bite my tongue because it is frustrating having to explain how my name should be filed and alphabetized. That's all I have to say on that issue.
I live in California and got married almost 3 years ago. I have not changed my last name yet because I was hoping to keep my maiden name and move it to my middle name so that I would have [first name] [middle][maiden as second middle] [last which would be my husband's]. But I heard that I would have to petition the court since California is one of the state's that doesn't recognize a middle name change due to marriage.
I can't afford the filing fee to petition the court. So my other option is then to add my husband's name to the end of my last name. I am currently debating whether to hyphenate it or just leave a space between. Do you know if I can have two last names without a hyphen in the state of California? And if so, that then becomes my official last name that is on all my official documents and I need to sign that way in all legal documents including my child's school, correct?
I have had friends get married in California and they had the option to add what they wanted their married name to be when they filled out and filed their marriage licenses. They chose to do the two middle names at that point and everything went through without a hitch. I got married in Nevada although I have and continue to be a resident of California and there was no option to do that in Nevada's marriage license. So does that mean I am stuck with the two last names?
Hi Lizeth. You can have two last names. You'll have to sign both on all legal documents. The out of state marriage license is valid and usable. It serves as proof of marriage, which is what counts.
I am 63 and getting remarried in two months in kentucky. If I hyphenate my last name and his, can I leave my checking acct, insurance, etc in my name. I understand that I will need to change SS and DL? My health insurance and pension is through my deceased husbands employer and I really just do not want to go through the hassle of changing all this information.
Hi Nancy. You can contact your bank and request that checks continue to be processed in your preferred name. As for insurance, it would be advisable to update such records. If you absolutely prefer not to, it's still a good idea to contact them to notify them of your name change status so that appropriate account notations can be made.
My last name is hyphenated (maiden-married) but do I have to say and go by the last name one everything? Example: Applications, forms, when I introduce myself? I know I have to put it on DL, SSN, Tax info, and any other documents but can I use my married name majority of the time?
Hi Alicia. Basically, you'll use your full, hyphenated name for legal documents, and can opt to informally use your married name for other situations.
Alicia,
My wife also hyphenates and her hyphenated name is on her business cards, email signature, which I think is not only correct, but also shows her respect, because she hyphenates. My personal opinion is if a woman hyphenates her name, then she should be referred by that name on email correspondence, letters, etc. Just my two cents.
This has been such a helpful thread!
My husband was legally adopted two months after we got married. Uncommon but true! Since his new name is not on our marriage certificate (and there was no place to designate our desired married names on the form), my name change to Firstname middlename mylastname hisnewlastname (no hyphen) was approved by Social Security and I was issued a new card, but rejected at the DMV (which I was notified of months after being approved at the counter). I've already changed my name at work and with my insurance but am unable to change anything else without a new ID. To complicate matters further, our wedding and his adoption were in Florida but we live in Minnesota. Any advice on what to do next?
Thanks so much!
Hi Kate. Could you detail their rationale for not approving your name change, after the fact? Was their a documentation issue or mis-match with the SSA record?
Hi there!
Thanks for your response. At the DMV counter, they approved the name change without question. After two months of waiting without a new ID, I got a letter saying it was denied because my husband's adopted name was not on our marriage certificate. Unfortunately I cannot get a hold of anyone at the state who can actually help me and at this point I fear I may just have to pay the $324 dollars to do it through the courts.
Hi Kate. Assuming your husband's name change has been finalized, have you considered trying again with the DMV? You can reference your changed name with the SSA, proof of your husband's name change, and proof of marriage with your marriage certificate. It may also be worth contacting your vital records office to have your marriage certificate amended with your husband's new name. It may not go through (unless it's a mistake or typo on their part), but it's a path worth exploring or excluding.
I was born with a last name that was hyphenated. I used to go by both (to keep with the continuation of the example earlier let's use Smith-Jones. It has been passed down a few generations on my dad's side. When mi parents got married, my mom assumed my dad's hyphenated last name. Upon moving to the U.S., they removed Jones. Now they are legally Smith.
When I was younger, everyone just called me Smith. Then in college by Jones. Honestly, the most annoying part has been the hyphen in legal documents. Which after decades I learned you just leave out the hyphen and type it as one word. Easy. That's just a computer issue.
Furthermore, no one needs to know you've kept a hyphen. Go by his name. No worries. But if a woman wants to keep her maiden name, which I'm keeping the Jones name because it is epicly nerdy and I'm the last one. But honestly, people don't mind it. It isn't a big deal. If it comes up just ask to be called by one name. The only people that need to know the full name is you, your doctor, the DMV and IRS, etc. No one who doesn't need your legal name even have to know. So don't sweat it. Hyphenate or don't. And love your spouse! :) Hyphenation is just a longer name.
I am trying to decide what I want to do. If I choose two last names, do I have to always sign with both for legal documents? Someone told me no.. What about if you hyphenate?
I have a legal profession and I want to keep my last name for that. But I want to take his name. I am trying to figure out if there is anyway to that. I know I can use his name informally if I don't change at all. If I hyphenate or take both names and have to use them all the time legally it will be really long. (Both of our names have over 10 letters!)
For legal documents, I've always had to sign with both. At least when anything ever had to be filed with the court for work. I'd just shorten your signature so it only needs to be printed. But I'm all for the hyphenation. Your situation leads me to think it is a rational choice.
Yes, on legal documents.
A couple scenarios to consider: Acquire a DBA in your preferred name (may not be wholly valid for your particular situation, but no harm in tossing it on the possibility pile). Informally use your prior name in a professional context along with a formal name change. Alternatively, legally maintain your prior name while using your partner's name informally.
Whatever you do, you'll want to make sure the name on your legal credentials and licenses are valid within your state.
I am shocked and disappointed by some of the comments here about women hyphenating their names. I may have had a different opinion about a name change if I had married when I was really young, but I'm 40 yrs old. I have a successful professional career with 15 years of business contacts who know me by my maiden name. I have have strong personal and cultural identity tied to my name. I love my husband, but I don't think I should have to give up my personal or professional identity. I do respect that he would like me to share his name so hypenating seems like a good comprimise to meet both of our needs.
I am by no means a snob. I am not often in conversations with people where either myself or someone else has to burden themselves speaking a long hypenated name. It's only 2 extra syllables anyway so it won't pull a tongue muscle. Geez! And I was born in the 21st century and could give a crap about respecting my husband's family. I did not marry into royalty. Putting my husband's surnane first in a hypenated name would be far more confusing and frankly doens't even sound good.
I don't think people need to take this to ridiculous levels and retain every name in the history of their family. My children will have my husband's surname and my husband will retain his single last name. I will just retain some of my previous identity. What's the big deal people?
I'm sorry if this is too confusing for a genealogist or offensive to the chauvinists out there who think a wife should be subservient to her man.
Colleen,
I used to be against a woman hyphenating, but now, I fully support it. I applaud you for wanting to maintain your heritage/identity, while also taking your husbands name. I see nothing wrong w/ hyphenating.
Can I hyphenate my last name then his. And he just keep his last name or does he need to hyphenate his the same?
Hi Kerri. You can hyphenate alone. He doesn't have to follow suite.
I was married before, I took his last name and we had two kids. We then got divorced and I changed back to my maiden name. My ex husband and I recently got REmarried and although I didn't want to change my name back to his, it is starting to get complicated with work and kids. Which would be the better version, if i want to keep my last name also, hyphenating or maiden-to-middle name?
Hi Yvonne. There really is no better or worse version. It's a matter of personal preference. Both are valid. Both are optional. If you remain unsure, you can maintain the status quo and decide later.
I disagree about the form of hyphenation. If a married couple elect to hyphenate their two surnames, the husband's surname should come first. In the English-speaking world, the hyphenated surname was developed for political and social reasons, typically when the husband's family name was viewed as inferior to the wife's. If Miss Mary Jones marries Mr. John Smith and wishes to cling to her maiden name, she merely writes it "Mary Jones Smith." "Mary Smith-Jones" or "Mrs. John Smith-Jones" would be the correct form if the couple chose to combine their surnames. To hyphenate with the wife's maiden name first is not only unnecessary (and thus illogical); it confuses persons who are familiar with the logical evolution of the hyphenated surname. Furthermore, "Mrs. M. Jones Smith" is the traditional form for a divorced woman, and, even today, can cause confusion if adopted by a married woman.
HELP!
I was married at 18 years of age and divorced at age 39. I have a child who is 7 from that marriage. Myself and child have x's last name. I never changed my last name after divorce because I had my married name longer than I had my own surname. My x actually was born with a different last name and it was changed when he was 3 yrs old thru his mother marrying and that man adopting my then husband. She then divorced that adoptive man when x was 4 and then that adoptive man died when x was 5 or 6. So basically, the last name means nothing to him or myself..just a name we both and now our child has.
I recently remarried and am still contemplating if i change my name current last name which i have had since 18 yrs of age or do i take my new hubby's last name or do i take my maiden name and hypenate with new hubbys last name?
My x is NOT involved with my child period. She doesnt like to use her last name that she was born with because she has female cousins that all share my maiden name and thats what she wants her name to be. I fear changing her last name because i will have to go to court to do so, but since the current surname that her and i both share is actually meaningless even in my x's life due to adoption and then divorce for him what do i do??? New hubby wants to eventually adopt my child too but dont know if x will let go despite not seeing her at all.
Confused!
Either can be done through the typical marriage based name change process.
It's possible to have her name changed to your maiden name, regardless of what you choose to do with your name.
Don't fear the court process. Many people go through it for name changes all the time. It's not really a big deal.
You can separate your name change from your child's name change. You can petition the court to have her name changed, then change your name to what you prefer.
If your X maintains any legal parental rights, you'll have to get consent (written and notarized) for her name to be changed.
NEED LADIES INPUT FIRST PLEASE!
After 15 years of marriage (a year ago), my wife began using her maiden AND prior marriage last names between her first name and her taken (my) last name. Using alias example; was Ann Jones for 15 years of our marriage, Now refers to herself as (alias) Ann Smith Johnson Jones on Facebook, printed material, her donation plaques, etc. My published donations simply each of our first names and common last. No plan of divorce to my knowledge, though we're struggling through menopause.
I didn't ask her to change last name when we married, she just did. Both old fashioned, seemed natural. I think she's planning for divorce or making herself easier to find for those in her past – for whatever reason. She says she's just showing respect of her past. I also respect her past. But why has she decided to change her moniker again after 15 years?
I'm her 3rd marriage, she's my first. Both over 30 when marriedin 1998. She was a well paid elected county official, I worked construction and had recently started my own business. When we married, she and her 9 yr old daughter were using her deceased (2nd) husbands last name only. No hyph. and she legally changed her last name to mine only, as well as politically and socially used the new name. The newspapers and tv news made the transition almost immediately.
16 years later, I run a successful business, she's a professor seeking a doctorate. Recently I noticed that her Facebook name changed to include her maiden name and her deceased husbands last name before our last name. She recently made a donation and the plaque has her first name and all 3 last names rather than mrs & mr jones as I publish for donations. The change looks to me more than nostalgia. We're 50.
thoughts?
Hi. I am just responding to the last paragraph referring to Facebook and donation plaque. With all of the other names added , it makes it easier for old friends to find and remake contact. I too had been married a couple times because of divorce and death of spouse and having the names changing . Sort of the same on the plaque as well . Please don't feel offense to it . as far as plaques , she may only be known to some with previous name …Just smile inside , as a rose by any other name smells as sweet…
I don't want ask a question already answered but, I am wondering if I go the route of keeping my last name and taking my new husband's last name without a hyphen ( maiden husband name) can I use them interchangeably or will I have to sign them both legally on documents. For example, can I just sign first name and maiden name or first name and husband's name? I'd like to keep my last name but, I also don't want a hassel either (ie have a hypenated last name- its just too long that way). I also don't want to have two middle names either.
Hi Felicia. On legal documents, you'll have to sign both names.
I just got married last week here in NH to an awesome woman. We both wish to use both last names
So I would go from Brian Middle His to
Brian Middle Hers-His
She wants to go from Michelle Middle Hers
Michelle Middle Hers-His
Is this able to be done in NH as part of marriage process?
Hi Brian. Your wife can, but you'll likely have to petition the court.
I just got married last week. We have been together for 9 yrs and have 2 children together. My husband really wants me to take his last name but I, like a lot of other woman, hate to let it go. I am 45 yrs old and have had my maiden name all my life so I am finding it very difficult to change, even though our 2 children have his last name. He is very opinionated about not liking the whole hyphenating thing. I am toying around with the idea of 2 middle names or 2 last names. If I don't hyphenate my last name and have 2 last names, can I sign non-legal documents with either last name? Like Jane Ann Doe Smith could be signed Jane Doe and/or Jane Smith? That way if anything comes in my maiden name I wouldn't have a problem and I could sign all the school forms "Jane Smith".
I am also wondering, if I were to use my maiden name to replace my middle name, could I just sign non-legal documents Jane (as the first name) Doe (as the maiden name that is now the middle name) leaving the last name (Smith in this instance) out?
Whatever the name is on the document is your name forever ! Or until you take the time to go to court for a name change!!!! Doe not matter how you sign..
It sucks!! I would never hyphenate ever again…
Hi Rosie. I think you have a pretty solid understanding of of the cans and cannots. Legal name goes on legal documents. For non-legal scenarios, you can exercise greater flexibility.
So my soon to be husband was given his half sister and half brothers last name because his mom didn't want him to feel left out as a young child. His mom was never married to his biological father and his mom was re-married to another man and changed her last name. My boyfriend doesn't feel like that's his real name but it's been his legal name for 31 years. I don't really fell like it's a name to take since it truly is not his name. He has thought of changing his name to his mother's maiden name but I feel it's strange since he's kept his siblings last name his entire life. I want to keep my last name since I have no brothers and my dad has no brothers to leave our name behind, he is not a fan but given the situation I've suggested he take my last name. Have you ever had anyone take the wife's last name?
Certainly. It's an option that's no more or less viable than your taking his name.
How exactly is it 'equality' for a married couple to have a hyphenated last name? The man has had to ask the girl out, pay for dates, propose to her, buy a very expensive engagement AND wedding ring and organize all of that over the course of years! All he asks for in return is for her to accept his last name-she comes into his clan. Does the women benefit the man simply by her presence? Does she deserve to have everything she wants? There are still cultural roles and customs in marriage and courtship-therefore if she does not accept his name, can he not present her with the bill?
If you marry someone I would hope you are benefitted simply by their presence.
So what you're saying is it's purely a financial agreement? Like buying a cow? You paid for a wife and now as part of the agreement she now has to give up her last name? But hey, if you feel obligated to type up a bill and hand it to her, go for it. If she doesn't pay the bill, will you be taking her to court? Garnishing her wages?
Lol guy, wake up and walk into the 21st century. Even if we ignore your gross misrepresentation of what a relationship and marriage is supposed to be based on, women buy their own things, split bills, even foot the bills on dates. Women ask men to marry them, and are often the primary bread winner in the relationship.
If, when the time comes for you, and you have spent all your copious amounts of hard earned dollars on a woman and she has done absolutely nothing for you but be "present," know that she is marrying you for nothing but your money and that she will be glad to take your last name if you want her to, in order to keep the cash flowing her way.
I just got married Saturday. I want to hyp my name but my husband isn't feeling it. He feels that if I don't change my name why did I get married. LOL We live in Texas and have been together 12½ yearsm, so we are common law. I have a question more than a comment. I have a middle name that I share with mainly my whole family and husband. I gave my son the same middle name because at the time I wasn't married to his father and I wanted him to have my name also….Is it possilbe to keep my middle name and just add my maiden name to my middle name and have like two middle names. I have been thinking of the change. I want to keep it, but I don't want to have to write both names everytime I sign things. Plus I don't use my middle initial on everything, so would that be okay to do?
It is possible. Have a look at the middle name article for further details.
I'm a divorced mom with children (which are still in school) and kept my ex last name. I live in the state of TN and will be getting married soon. Out of respect for my children I would like to keep my ex last name and take on my new married last name. I just don't know how to do it. I have my first name, 2 middle names and my ex last name as of right now. Any suggestions on what I should do. I want to make sure when the school or my children's friends call me they will still feel comfortable addressing me by my children's last name and not have to think what my last name is first.
Hyphenation is an option. If that's not the path you want to go in, you can make it understood to the school and your kids' friends that's it's fine to informally refer to you by your ex's last name. It shouldn't be a particularly demanding accommodation to agree to.
Hi, my fiance and I are about to be married. Before me, she had another husband who passed away. I'm unsure what to do because she wants to keep his name and have mine. What do you think would be the best option?
I don't think there is a best or worst option. In terms of the technicalities, it doesn't matter. It's ultimately up to your fiance how or if she'll change her name. At best, you can discuss it and come to a point where both are satisfied or at least willing to accept the outcome without feeling slighted.
I am a widow and plan to keep my late husband's last name, and add my new husband's name when I remarry. My reasoning is to honor my children and their father. I am researching to understand the process better, to know if hyphenating or simply making my first married name my middle…any advice?
Hi,
Just curious. My partner and I are a same sex couple and we are getting married later this year. We both want to keep our own surnames, but hyphenate the other in, but we cannot agree on whos name should come first.
Do you think it would be unusual if we were to have the names opposite to each other? IE one as Jones-Smith and the other as Smith-Jones?
Would be interested in your thoughts.
Kind regards,
Jason
Hi Jason. Not unusual at all. It's a flexible and innovative option.
Hi Valera! I'm sorry to bother you but I read through most of the comments and saw nothing that helped me. My husband and I got married almost 2 years ago in Nevada, and we still live in Nevada, and we have done no name changes whatsoever. We decided that we want to take on his mother's maiden name as our last name- so it will be a totally new last name as he always had a different last name than her.
Since the court must be petitioned for a legal name change- I was wondering if you think it is possible for just ONE of use to petition the court and get it changed, and THEN have the other person change it WITHOUT petitioning just like you should be able to change it one you get married (like do a "married" name change, but only after one of us has the new last name). Since the marriage certificate won't list the NEW name, but since one of us will be able to legally prove that we are the same person– could that work? Thanks in advance!
Hi Bella. It may work for you, if your husband undergoes the name change first. But it wouldn't work the other way around, due your being residents of Nevada.
I married 5 years ago at the age of 40 and had decided to keep my maiden name and add my husband's last name because I had built a life prior to our marriage that has lots of documents and accounts with my maiden name on it. I didn't want to go through the hassle of changing the name on the accounts. The DMV stated I had to have the name hyphenated on my drivers license even though I requested adamantly against it. They stated the computer wouldn't accept both last names in the system without it. My passport does not have the hyphen. I feel without the hyphen it's easier for me to go by either my married or maiden name. Rarely, if ever, am I called by both my last names.
Now with that being said, I travel a lot for both work and vacation. My husband I travel mostly internationally. I am starting to have some problems or I should say confusion about my last name and I am considering dropping my maiden name. Can I do this with my DL and passport without having to do a court petitioned name change?
And is it still possible to keep all my current accounts in my maiden name even though I might drop it from my hyphenated last name? I'm pretty sure the answer to this is a no but I just want to be sure.
Also to help with answering my questions, I live in Las Vegas, Clark County. I've lived here for the last 14 years.
No. Since you've formally changed it once, to do it again requires the court petition route.
That depends on what type of account it is. For instance, legal and tax documents should match your actual name. Less formal accounts, where a minor name mismatch won't be considered a significant thing, may allow greater flexibility.
The goal of women's lib, is a communist movement to break apart the family. The Facts are to abundant to dismiss. . When a woman takes her Husband's name, it shows respect for the Civil world. It shows that Family-extended family, are of prime importance. Not Self. The goal of keeping one's own name is selfish. The family is a team, with extension through life. By taking the husband's name it shows real commitment, that the man and woman are now joined and together want to work as a team for their family through time. I see women who keep their name and they get mad when people do not get it. It has made a walking on glass situation, it adds only irritation, un-trust-able interaction, and high infidelity. If you want to get married, changing of the woman's name is binding, it forces the man to realize that he now has commitment, it forces the woman to be committed
So it's considered selfish, lack of commitment, high infidelity, untrustworthiness, and not working as a team if a woman chooses to keep her name, yet it's not considered the same when a man keeps his. Interesting. I didn't realize in the 21st century that a woman could be labelled with such mistrustful and suspicious things merely based on a last name. I suppose you believe women who work outside of the home are neglectful wives and mothers and should be chained to the stove barefoot and pregnant so they know their place, too, right? Such absurdity in this day and age. I hyphenated my name and my husband respected me enough to understand me wanting to keep my identity as well as sharing his. I can't imagine him telling me I was untrustworthy or accuse me of infidelity just because of my hyphenation. What a silly thing to think.
Wondering if I put his last name on the marriage certificate, do I have to immediately change my name with DMV, etc….. For work purpose I don't want to change my name just yet, but of course I want his name reflected on the marriage certificate.
No, you can wait to change it later.
I have been married for a little over a year and when we got married i hyphenated my name and now want to drop my maiden name and just take his name. How do i go about doing this??
Hi Stacie. You'll have to go through a court-petitioned name change, as you've already changed it once following your marriage.
Hi,
I am so confused now, i already change all my id's using this name:Ethel, middle name: Lopez, last name: Cruz-Brigino. My last name before i got married was Cruz and my husband last name is Brigino. Am i doing it right? Now i want to change my passport using my recent last name,can i still use Cruz-Brigino as my last name in the new passport or just Brigino? Thank you so much.
That looks fine.
Cruz-Brigino—your hyphenated name.
Hey so if my last name is Smithy-Jones and I was to get married to a girl with a different last name would she take Smithy-Jones as her last name or just Smithy or just Jones or what?
Ps. Thanks for answers in advance.
It can vary by state. Possibilities may include the complete hyphenated version, a segment, a spouse's previous surname from birth, or compound name.
I have been married for 13 years now. I never changed my name. All my legal documents like passport still uses my maiden name. But for school purposes like when I need to email the teacher or something, I hyphenate my married name so that the teacher knows who I am.
I had issues with the bank though. Sometimes I would get checks with my maiden name and others with married last name.
So, having the same last name does make things easier for couples especially when you have children. But I always felt like I didn't want to lose all of me by giving up my name.
Hello there. As stated previously: I apologize if this has been asked (a million times).
If I am Jane L Doe & my Husband is John Smith I am struggling with my "options." I am more concerned when it comes to formalities, such as filling out forms for taxes, home buying, etc.
If I hyphenate, then I have "doe-smith" as my name on forms, license, and my social? I have to legally write the whole thing on paperwork I may fill out? Also, if I go with this option, most things would be filed under the letter D, I assume?
Another option is to add it to my middle name and it would be "L Doe" (and last name smith) on paperwork?
Seems so confusing and I would hate to struggle with any issues come for more "official" business and I didn't do something right.
Thank you!
Correct on all counts.
Try not to think of the hyphen as a special character, or divider. Just think of it as another letter. It's a part of your name, so you'd have to use with your full name.
Hi,
My question might have already been addressed, (if so .. forgive).
If I hyphenate my maiden name first, (Jones-Smith), my future husband's last name being Smith, technically wouldn't I been filed under Jones and he under Smith? Maybe not relevant in all situations, but still listing mine under "J" and his under "S" might be confusing at times.
Seems better to use the middle name/last name scenario.
Has anyone you know run into this problem?
Thank you
That's right.
Perhaps, on the margins, a subset of folks may have to catch themselves before filing it under the correct letter.
Hyphenation has been around a long while and most folks should know how to deal with it, so it shouldn't be a problem.
Hello, I been married for 4 Yr. and I decided to keep my maiden name, so on the marriage license I didn't indicate any change to my name. But now I have a daughter and would like to hyphenate my last name with my husbands. What do I need to do exactly to hyphenate my name after I indicated no change on the marriage license?
Hi Lily. Go through the regular marriage-related name change process using your marriage certificate serves as proof of marriage. Your husband's name is on the document, which is a key part.
Valera, I have been married for over 20 years – almost 25 years. I had a son before I married my husband and my son has my maiden name and I have my husbands last name. Now that we have 3 grandchildren, I want to add my maiden name to my married name so I have a last name connection with my grandbabies. My question is how do I do that? How do I add my maiden name to my married name after all these years?
Hi Holly. You'd have to petition the court for a general, adult name change.
Hi, I got married for 7 years in my marriage certificate I take my husbands last name but i never used. The last month i had my citizenship interview , the official said my current legal name was sarah smith (smith=husbands last name) I didn't know that ! … My certificate has my maiden name hyphen Sarah Lund-Loera
can I hyphenate later with my husbands last name? lund-smith? do i need to go to court? or just can use my husbands last name as my marriage cerificate? if i decide to change , do i need to go to court? or with marriage cerificate? thanks.
Is this incorrect? If so, you can look to get it corrected.
If you're taking your husband's last name without the hyphen, a later change would require the court process.
Not sure what you mean here. If you're taking your husband's last name sans hyphen, what would you be changing it to? If you're asking if you have to go through the court to shift from maiden to husband's last name, the answer is no.
Hi
I legally had my whole birth name changed ,after my (both,deceased),favorite Aunt & her husband's surname),in my 19th year of marriage and have in on my birth certificate plus on my children's. I am wanting a hyphen marriage name. I was arrested and Judgments has one dismissed and two retired. My husband's doctor wants he to be getting our house in order. We are deciding on grave markers. This would mean a whole lot to me and him to have our married name hyphenated. We are married over 36 years.
I have read the other helpful posts but nothing like ours. I need to know what steps to do this. Will it be two courts?
Also, my husband had strokes and writes his name, but not that often, these days. Will he have to write the hyphen name when he has to or do I do it for him?
We are days away from being debt free. House. Inheritance not settled on other matters but we are doing better after a mighty long hard time. We were both spared from a wreck where the hired driver was using a cell phone and texting!
Hi Mae. You can change your name going through a typical marriage-related name change. Use a certified copy of your marriage certificate as proof of name change. It can be acquired from your vital records office.
I just had a discussion with my girlfriend about this. I am 26 years old and have always imagined that she would just want to take on my name. she is a little disgruntled after our discussion. she wants to move her last name to her middle name and keep 2 middle names and her husband's( i havent proposed) last name. my mom took on my dads last name. nominclature is important to me i think about often. when she said she wasnt going to drop her name for me it took me off guard. she feels its a family name she wants to keep. I feel that if we are married that she is litterally given to me. not in a you will do what i say always submissive to my will kind of way just that she will be mine, and for no other man and changing her name to mine shows that.
Thanks for sharing your story. The name change process is fairly simple if it's done as a result of marriage. It's more complicated and time-consuming to undo once the change has completed. So, it's smart that it's being thought through before a final decision is made. It's a good way to avoid regret.
I'll be concise. Hyphenated names are stupid and pointless! Why introduce complexity unnecessarily???Keep things simple. The bride to be should just keep her surname that way she doesn't have to go through all the hassle of changing all her personal data (financial, legal documents, etc.).
Future wife wants to keep her last name when she marries me. I am fine with it. What does she have to do to "legally" keep her last name when we marry ?
Nothing. Taking no action will leave her last name unchanged.
Do you know someone could go about changing their name twice. I got married a couple months ago and took my husband's last name, however lately I have been wanting to put my last name back in my name, is that possible to do? Would it be a bigger process that it was changing my name the first time? If you don't know, could you possibly direct me somewhere that could answer this question?
Thank you!
Yes.
It is more involved, as you'll have to petition the court.
Hello,
My husband has two last names because he is from Puerto Rico, so we got married in California 2 years ago and I just had not gotten around to changing my name. I live in Texas now and I when to try and change my license and name yesterday and they told me that I would have to pick up both his last names Rodriguez Barrios. But on my marriage certificate I choose to be Kelaila Rodriguez because that is the only last name i need to pick I do not need to pick up his mothers last name which is Barrios. Well the girl told me that I do have to because that is some Texas Law or something like that. Is this true? Please advice because I am very irritated with the whole thing. I dont want to pick his mothers last name I dont need to.
Hi Kelaila. It's not surprising. She's basically saying you have to take his full legal last name, which just happens to be two names. If taking on his mother's name is unacceptable, you'll have to go through a general adult name change procedure through the court system, instead of the easier marriage-related name change process. That way you'll get the final name you truly prefer.
I am married and as my new last name I hyphenated it. Now, that I want to legally change my name on documents, I want to only take my husband's last name instead of the hyphenated last name. Will I be able to put his last name on the documents or will I have to go through the legal name change process? Technically, his last name is on the marriage certificate under my new last name, it's just hyphenated with my maiden name. I cannot find an answer anywhere. HELP!
Hi Christina. Yes, just go through the normal marriage-related name change process as anyone normally would.
I'm 21 recently m married. Can I used my meiden surname after marriage?? My hubby said me that he has faced problems in some legally documents. Every legal presses he give many documents for confirmation that I m his wife.. he need marriage certificate and all that.. he said to me i adopt his surname and my every old documents change my surname. . Plz help me what I do. I want to stay with my meiden surname. .t
Hi Richa. Name change is optional. It wouldn't affect your martial status.
Soooo I live in Iowa. Its been since the end of august since u got married. We moved like a week after, and we lost or marriage certificate in moving. I just found it yesterday. Is it going to be really difficult for me to change my name at the SS office now?
I don't see what the problem could be. Is there something specific you're concerned about?
I was just worried that its been so long since the date on the certificate.
It's nothing to be concerned about.
I am worried about my fathers estate, he has married a woman that I think is after his estate when he dies, if I hyphen my name to keep my fathers name and my spouse do I then have more right and say to my fathers estate, please help
Hi Mayfair. It's unlikely that your name composition matters. If you're concerned about this, you can consult with a lawyer who specializes in estates.
Hello! I live in Mississippi, and am getting married in June. My fiancé has a hyphenated last name, thanks to his very independent mother. He wants to change it, but it is a drawn out process here. I was wondering two things: 1) can he just drop one of the hyphenated last names when we sign the marriage certificate, and 2) do I have to take both of his names (the whole hyphenated last name) or just his preferred last name? That is what we would both like to do. Thank you for your help!
That wouldn't alter anything. It wouldn't impact his real name.
Both names, assuming he'll still have both names when you marry.
Hi, I am getting married in a couple of months and never really thought of changing my last name and taking my husband's completely. I am in the state of new york. I was wondering if it were possible to take on my husband's last name as my middle name and use my maiden as my last name (Jalitza Toussaint Poveda)? Or if I just take on 2 last names Poveda Toussaint no hyphen am i forced to sign both last names on trivial things like credit card receipts (not legal stuff, like closing docs)?
Not possible in New York without petitioning the court.
In New York, you can do hyphen, but not space.
Just use your own discretion. Unless someone's trying to commit fraud, then I'm doubtful the typical chicken scratch signatures on trivial receipts mean much of anything in the grand scheme of things.
Hi! Great info!
My question: I was married two months ago and have not legally changed my name. When I applied for my marriage certificate I wasn't sure which name I would use so on the certificate it says maiden-husbandsname. I've since decided I don't want to hyphen my last name I want to use my husband's name. Can I simply drop my maiden name and the hyphen since I haven't changed my name ? Or do I need to amend the marriage certificate ?
Thanks!
Yes.
Hi! I am a gay man and I'm about to marry my partner of 17 years. We already have children who have my partner's last name (we had them via surrogacy/egg donor and they're biologicaly his, but I am an equal parent on their birth certificates) Anyway, I want his last name because I want the same last name as my children. My mother has issues with me changing my name, so I told her I would hyphenate my last name as a compromise. She is now threatening to leave me out of her will if I make any changes. So I'm still going to hyphenate my name, but is there any reason I would have to tell her? What if she sends me a check made out to my non-hyphenated name? Can I still cash it? (not that I rely on her for money, but sometimes she'll send a check for me to get our kids a present, that type of thing). My thought is that I can still prove via SSN, birth certificate and marriage certificate that I'm the same person.
And yes, I realize she's being an irrational control freak who to this day can't stand that I'm gay!
That really depends on the bank. Some banks are more strict than others. Typically, you can't cash a check if it doesn't match the name on your ID. Depositing is another matter, such as using an ATM. Banks tend to become more prickly the higher the check amount (think $5-10K+).
If you're clearly the intended recipient, and you can prove that, there's a good chance your bank will provide sufficient flexibility to process the check. If you intend to cash the check or deposit it in person, you can bring your marriage certificate and valid ID to show that you're the valid recipient.
You can also preemptively explain the situation to your bank and request that they allow checks (regardless of the sender) to be cashed in your prior name.
I have 2 questions about name changes:
1) I have very strong feelings about keeping my last name, but my fiance has equally strong feelings about me taking his name. I am trying to find some sort of compromise to make us both happy, but feel that in the 'real world' if I have a hypenated name people will eventually just refer to me by his last name. Since it sounds like I can pretty much change my name to whatever I want, is it possible for me to turn his last name into my middle name, keeping my last name as my maiden name? You talked a lot about the woman turning her maiden name into her middle name but no other changes like that.
2) If I am keeping my last name and at our wedding (or anytime in the future) we get checks made out to Mr & Mrs John Doe, how to we collect those funds since my last name isn't the same as his?
Thank you so much for writing this article and for answering back to so many comments on here, it has been very informative.
Not without petition the court.
Many states recognize maiden to middle, but not all arbitrary name reconstructions.
It can be as simple as requesting that your bank allow you to cash checks in that name. Explain the situation. Presenting a copy of your marriage certificate would confirm that you're legally married.
"Many states recognize maiden to middle, but not all arbitrary name reconstructions."
Is there a way to research what would be recognized in my state? I don't want to plan on changing it a certain way and then find out at the end that I can't change it.
Thanks for your help.
This information can typically be found on a state's government website. Specifically the section that deals with marriage license issuance and/or vital records management.
I want to know can I hyphenate my name after 12 years I don't feel like my last name and if so how can I do it
If it's a marriage-related name change, you'd go through the same process anyone else normally would.
We are a same gender couple. If we hyphenate our names can we both keep our maiden names as the first last name then add the spouse's last name. Our names would not match identically. Exampl my last name is Jones hers is King. My new name would be Jones-King and hers King-Jones???
Hi Kathy. You (or actually just one of you) may run into difficulties by not having a single, unified name sequence. You could possibly end up with a situation where it's valid for one, but not the other. It's difficult to say, as this is a pretty rare (yet clever) scenario. Depending on the state, it may be considered as a completely new name instead of a hyphenated variant. Have you contacted your county clerk's office (or whichever office issues marriage licenses) to inquire about this?
whenyou say a child can take the surname, does that mean if my son is mine from a previous relationship he can accept my fionces name as his. i dont want to change my last name if it will confuse my son i would love for him to be able to take his but i dont know if he would have to adopt in order to do that i live in NJ
Hi Ashley. If your son's father maintains legal parental rights, you may have to get written and notarized consent from him to allow any name change to go through. If the father does not possess such rights, you can change your child's name as you please.
I married my husband two months ago in California and have not yet made any formal legal changes with social security and DMV. When we went to fill out our application for a marriage license before the wedding, I indicated on the application that I would change my name so that my maiden name would become my middle name and my husband's last name would become my last name. For professional reasons, I have since decided that I would rather have two last names (my maiden name and his last name), so that my professional last name will still show up on all documents. In order to make this change, will I have to petition the court since the name change I specified on my marriage application is not the same exact one that I want to go through with? Or can I just take a copy of my marriage certificate to the social security office and indicate that I want to two last names instead of changing my middle name? Thanks!
Hi Rebecca. You can use your marriage certificate.
I have been married for 22 years and have had my husband's last name for the same length of time. When we were married I really didn't want to take his last name but he really wanted me to so I did. I already had a son when we married and he eventually adopted him and gave him his last name. In the last few years it is really starting to bother me that I go by my married name. I have never liked it and have now begun to hate it. I love my husband, we are happy but I don't want his last name. I have discussed this with him and he doesn't want me to change my last name back to my maiden name. This could probably be solved by hyphenating my last name but I am hesitant because my maiden name has 11 letters and my married name has 8 letter which would make my last name 20 letters if you include the hyphen. Any thoughts on a 20 letter hyphenated last name?
It's not a record-breaker. That distinction belongs to Wolfe+585 (as in 585 characters). So, it can be done. Noone can tell you if it's an impractical idea, as you're the one who has to live with it, print it out, and sign it.
If you haven't already, you may want to take out some pen and paper, write it out and sign it to see how it sits with you. To even experience how long it takes.
FYI, if you ultimately do choose to hyphenate, you'll have to request the name change through the court, as you've previously changed your name when you got married. For you, this goes for any name change option (hyphenated or not).
I am getting married next year and concerned about my name change. I was previously married to my son's father and kept his last name and dropped my birth last name. Jane Susie Doe (Doe replaced birth name). Since then I have established a business and attend college under my ex's last name. I would like to reinstate my maiden name somehow. Can I do this when I get married or should it be done before. My fiance wants me to take his name but I believe it best to keep my ex's last name, my reason being is my preteen son and all that I have already established under my ex's last name. I did promise him (my fiance) that I would change my name to his when my son gets out of school, I'm sure this is possible. I was wondering would it be over kill to have two middle names and two last names. Jane (Susie Barker) Doe Smith, No Hyphen. (Barker example of my birth name and Smith example of my fiance's last name). Also can I use these names interchangeably? Like Jane Doe or Jane Smith. I don't want to change any of my documents to reflect this change (both names). I really don't want to even use my fiance's name solely until my son gets out of school or we have kids of our own. I live in Gwinnett County, Georgia. Would this request seem foolish, or complicated?
If you want to legally reinstate your maiden name before you get married again, you'll have to petition the court.
It is.
There's no better or worse. It's a matter of personal preference.
You're looking to juggle multiple name combinations, without having actually changed your name from your ex-husband's. That's a pretty complicated proposition. At a minimum, you'll need to continue using the name from your prior marriage for legal circumstances, but exercise caution when deviating from it when applying it to other contexts.
I have 3 names (family handed down names ) plus my last name and I want to keep all of my names and just add his to the end. I really don't want to hyphenate the 2 last names and I don't wanna use my last name as a middle name cause my names are part of my family traditions. Can I just add his name to the end of mine? Like for example Jane Maria Louise Smith Johnson. My kids would take his name and on documents could I just use either my last name or the 2 last names and just put a space between them?????
Hi Melissa. You don't have to hyphen, but when you sign your name to legal-type documents, you should use your entire last name.
Hi I just got married three months ago I hyphenated my last name. Now I regret it and want to keep only my husbands last name, how do I go about changing it to just his last name? Are there any fees etc I live in California.
Also I forgot to mention I haven't changed any of my information yet ( dL, ss, bank etc)
If you haven't changed your name on any legal documents, you haven't actually changed your legal name. You would have to first change your name with the ssa in order to legally have your husband's name.
Hi! I got married a little over a year ago and have finally decided to change my name. The problem is that I have a middle name and my maiden name is already hyphenated. I would like to add the initials of my maiden name to my middle name. So it would be Melissa [current middle name] [x-x] [married last name]. I'm wondering though, for filling out forms, will that be a problem? I know people who have two middle names and often when filling out forms, they just put the first one, which wouldn't bother me. I'd just like for my maiden name to be in there somewhere officially. Also, would it be easier to keep the hyphen between the initials or put periods or nothing and just make it XX. Thank you!
Doubtful. At worst, you may have to explain it to whomever is entering your data to not misinterpret the divisions in your name.
It's a tiny variation. The most cautious choice is to write it out as it's formally spelled.
Hello. I live in CA and got married about a month and a half ago. When we applied for our marriage license, I was told that I could combine both our last names (which I did) and that I could choose to sign with which ever last name and keep my current accounts (eg bank/professional licence) with my maiden name. But now I am a bit confused. From your previous posts, I am understanding that I would need to submit my new name to SS, Drivers Lic, and sign with BOTH last names on legal documents. Does this mean I would need to change my name on my professional license?
Hyphen, space, or merged surnames? No matter which it is, the end result is still just one last name.
Correct.
As mentioned above, even though your last name is comprised of two names, it still only counts as one, single last name. So your only option is to sign your complete last name to legal documents.
You can check your state's requirements, but you'll most likely need it updated and reissued.
Hi there. We got married in NYC back in 2011, but I elected to keep my maiden name when we went in to the City Clerk's Office to obtain our license. I've been going by a a hyphenated name socially since then but have decided I'm ready to change it legally. What's the process for this? I've called the Civil Court and County Clerk and still not clear on exactly how to have my maiden last name officially changed to my married one. The County Clerk said I have 2 options: (1) Have the marriage ceremony again or get "remarried" so that I can tick the box that indicates what my new surname will be, thereby having it show up with my married name on a new Marriage Certificate (apparently this does not change our original married date and somehow just reissues the marriage certificate, still unclear on that one), (2) Go the the NY Civil Court and have a petition filed for a "Petition for Individual Adult Change of Name" although this will change my name everywhere but my marriage certificate. I'm also wondering if none of that is necessary and just going to the Social Security Office with my current Marriage Certificate/License is sufficient, even though it only shows my maiden name. I just want to change it legally so that everything from my taxes to my passport is updated but it's impossible to get a straight answer in this city and its all so confusing!
Hi BRA. I'd advise you to heed their recommendations. If it was a mistake on your certificate, you could have it corrected in your marriage registration record, although it's unlikely they'd consider a chosen surname a mistake.
Ok kind of a confusing question. My son is only a couple of months old and his name is Mike Alexander Smith, Smith being his dads last name. I want to add my last name to his legally while still keeping his middle name. (I wish I would've done it from birth but oh well) Anyways me and his dad are no longer together and were goin through court to get it added. I don't know how I shoul add my name, if it should be Solorzano-Smith or Solorzano Smith no hyphen or Smith Solorzano. I would like my last name to be the primary last name he uses. I just don't know the difference with the hyphen or without. And for example school documents when it is last name, first name how do I make it so that it is filed under S for Solorzano… last name (Solorzano), first (Mike). While still keeping Smith because his dad will not agree to drop it for obvious reasons haha. I know that legal documents I will have to use the full last name whether hyphenated or not.
It's just stylistic. Choose whichever you prefer.
Whether the last name is hyphenated or spaced, Solorzano would have to come first in order to file it the way you're seeking. You also couldn't omit Smith, if that's what you're suggesting in your example.
I know I can't omit Smith for legal documents but will my child have to spell out both last names for everyday things?
Also just to make sure I understand, there really is no difference whether the names are hyphenated or not?
Yes.
No. It's a matter of personal preference.
Also, while it's traditional, it traditionally signified the merger of the woman's identity completely into the man's (not a union of two into each other as equals). Judges and others explicitly stated this and used it to dismiss domestic violence (essentially, "you can't bring this claim about hurting yourself, and she's the same legal person: the husband's person"); it was used to justify denying property and custody rights on divorce, no matter how abusive the man had been, since married women were less-than their own legal people. This full merger might (not sure) be why it was common until mid-to late 20th century to be called Mrs. his first and last name. So, tradition isn't always something we want to repeat blindly–create new traditions, change the old ones, or take it and give it your own meaning.
Great piece on all the various concerns involved!
It's also worth noting that many women from well-known families kept or added to theirs through the ~18th-19th centuries to keep their ties to their prominent, accomplished families; they didn't just lose that social stature and identity on marriage. Many Hispanic cultures, not known for radical feminism or for taking marriage lightly, have been combining and/or adding the last names to long names for generations. Bringing families together forever brings in both sides, right? Numerous other cultures, and western cultures in different periods, varied a lot. So, it's nowhere near as traditional or as consistent as people assume when they act like you're suspect for not following what everyone everywhere has always done to show they were really in love.
I opted to hyphenate mine socially for a lot of reasons. I believe in modern equality but also love some of the 1950's ideals of love, so I was a bit conflicted when people (including the love of my life and his sweet, progressive-traditional family) assumed I was going to change it. It never occurred to me that I would be expected to relinquish all of my old identity, my ties to father (who was an amazing man and my role model, but not in my life because of my crazy mom), and my Scottish clan's proud heritage. It would have been terribly disorienting, and my husband got to keep the link to his professional and family ties! So, his friends sometimes sweetly call me by his last name, I keep mine, everybody's happy. I haven't hyphenated legally, but if anyone objects, they can volunteer to spend an entire day waiting in slow government offices for me…
It's wonderful that women (or couples) get to evaluate all of the history and concerns and just *choose* what taking the name means for them now–like love, or embracing the nicer parts of tradition. It's a choice. If people think people mine means I'm snobby or non-committal, that's their problem. Like my daddy, who grew up on a struggling farm during the Depression and lived his life with the tenacity of a working-class, proud Scotsman, I'm no snob; but I am true to myself and my family history.
Hello. I am in the process of getting a divorce. I took my husbands name an I currently use first name, middle initial and married name as my legal name. I am considering taking back my maiden name. I want to continue to use my first name, middle initial. I am trying to decide between hypenating ( maiden/married) or no hypen, maiden name married name. I want to be referred to at school with my maiden name. Bottom line, I want to choose whatever has the least amt of potential for legal hang ups. Any thoughts? Thank you
A quick note… If you're looking to potentially return to just your maiden name as your last name be sure to have the judge put in an order to restore your maiden name.
If your maiden name is restored following the divorce, the name change process is fairly simple. You'll need a certified copy of your divorce decree to facilitate the change.
If you're looking to hyphenate or implement a double-last name, you'll need to petition the court.
Any of your choices shouldn't present any legal issues as long as you formally change it to whatever you choose. Restoring just your maiden name is the most straightforward. Constructing a new hyphenated name is more procedurally complicated.
Thank for the info. If I choose two last names, not hyphenating, maiden name / married name, may I use only maiden for informal signature?
Yes.
I was previously married (in the state of Texas) and returned to Alabama to live for a period of time, after a divorce, I returned to Texas and eventually remarried. After my first marriage, I took my husband's last name and continued to keep this name even when we split, due to having two children with him and wanting to keep everything the same. I never did anything when I remarried to change to my current husband's last name and honestly, I'm not really sure how to go about doing this if I choose to take his last name. I have continued to use my first husband's last name and have not changed anything legally. Am I setting my family up for major confusion if I were to die and my estate needs to be settled along with other financial matters?
Your situation is fine. You are and have been using your actual legal name, so there should be no confusion.
I just got married 1 month ago and hyphened my last name with my husbands last name… now im in the process of changing all the legal documents. Can I drop my last name and just use his last name or I must use what I put on the marriage license?
Yes. You don't have to hyphenate.
I was married 7 years ago and I never changed my name. Five kids later I feel its about time. I love my last name and want to keep it. I want to have 2 last names instead of a hyphen. So it will be Raquel Middle name given name husband name. How do I go about doing that? This name changing is very confusing!
Get a certified copy of your marriage certificate. Contact your local vital records office to acquire one. Begin with the SSA, then DMV, then the other institutions and organizations that need updating. You'll just have to knock them down one-by-one.
My wife and I got married earlier this year and she hyphenated her name and now she regrets it. How had would it be for her to drop her maiden name and just use mine? We live in Colorado.
Hi Thomas. She'll have to petition the court to return to her maiden name. It's not really hard, but the process is more involved than when she originally just hyphenated.
Ok thank you. She don't want to return to her maiden name she wants to drop it from her name and just use my last name.
Whoops. I misread that last part of your sentence. Unfortunately, the answer is still the same. She'll have to go through the courts.
Ok thank you very much. Do you know how long it takes by chance?
It could be a month, maybe two. It's difficult to say. There are too many factors in the mix, such as how busy the court is, to say for sure how long it'll take for you.
I was always told if you hyphenate your names, whatever debt you have stills falls onto you and wont effect your husband and your new commitment. How true is this?
Hyphenation has no relevance to this matter. If your state observes "community property" rules then certain debts incurred "during" the marriage by one spouse can become a shared debt for both.
I, like many others want to keep my full birth name while also taking my husbands. Several have suggested I drop my middle name, but, for me that's not an option. I want the full thing. But, I am curious what should go to what spot. I want his last name to be my last name so if I get more comfortable with the name change I could always drop my Birth surname. So should I move my middle name to my first name? I like my middle name written out fully rather than abbr. I usually do it that way on my cards. Then my middle name would be my birth name. If i wanted to drop my birth name I can either abbr. or not write unless it is on legal documents. I guess my question is should I have 2 first names or 2 middle names? I have narrowed it down this far because I am thinking about what it would look like on attendance lists, paper work, etc. What letter do I write down if there is only one box for my middle name…? Those are a few of the many questions bouncing through my head :)
If you're opting for a double first or middle name, you'll have to petition the court to achieve that. I know you're asking this in the context of marriage, but it's not really applicable.
As for which you should choose, that's up to you. There is no right or wrong. It's just a matter of which is the one you're most comfortable living with.
I'm in the process of my second divorce and need to decide if I'm going to change my name. I currently have my 2nd husband's last name but was considering going back to my 1st husband's last name and hyphenating with my soon to be ex's last name. The reason I would be doing this is because I have two sons with my 1st husband and daughters with my 2nd. Would this be considered okay to do?
Certainly, you can change your name as you see fit.
the future hubby and i are getting married. i have always known that i would always give my kids MY last name whatever that may be so they wouldnt have daddys last name unless i had already changed my last name to his (lesson learned in childhood my mom married 7 times) Now this is mine and his first marrige however i have two children from a previous relationship and he has one from a prefious relationship. and we have 1 together. we had at one point thought we would make a whole new name. then change the kids names acordingly but that wont be an option..and his daughter has his last name he doesnt want to change it. so my three are momslastname and his oldest is hislastname so when we got to talking about our old idea of making a new family surname he kinda shyed away and so i said ok how about i take both keep mine and take yours…he said thatd be ok…i asked if he would do the same he just thought for a second and then i reminded him that he already has a child with my maiden-last name so as soon as he thought of it that way brightend up so the question here is which one is less of a hasstle…two last names same as hyphen but just a space instead (NOT LAST TO MIDDLE)…or the traditional name combo with hyphen. now i am in florida.. will hyphenating my name or including both with just a space be something i can do with a normal marrige change or would that require court order name change?…if thats the case will we both have to do a court order change???
Hi Cassie. You can do a normal marriage name change, but, since you're in Florida, your future husband will have to petition the court to accomplish the same.